like this guy but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2007
like this guy but...
6
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 6:46pm
he has bad acne on his face and he has a great personality but i just cant get over the acne part. I know that looks arent everything and when you like a guy all flaws shouldnt matter but i find it very difficult to get close to his face. He asks me out all the time and i dont know how to tell him or if i should tell him what the problem is. Thanks in advanced for any advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 6:54pm
How old are the two of you? Acne usually fades with time and with medication. If you can't bring yourself to kiss him, then it doesn't matter how great he is inside. Don't tell him about the acne, that would be crushing. If you don't want to go out with him, then just say that you don't reciprocate the feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 8:47pm
People say that love is blind and people fall in love with others who have more fatal flaws. Maybe it's not just about the acne, even though it is probably the most obvious problem to you. Could it be that you just don't like him as much as you think you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 2:14pm

If I don't want to kiss a man for any reason, then there is no sense in going any further. I tell him that the feelings I know need to be there for a romantic connection are not there and send him on his merry way. I rarely ask ro remain friends but it has happened.

It is NOT kind to continue going out with him if you don;t tell him you aren't interested in dating him any longer. That is using him for what he does for you.

It is not kind either to get specific about why you choose to not date any longer - there is no need to elaborate on it, even if he asks. Just leave it at "I'm not feeling the connection to keep dating"

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:13pm
it is difficult, he knows he has acne i'm sure and hopefully he'll deal with it, i wouldn't point it out but since you're not attracted i wouldn' t accept a date either
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 11:00am

I just wanted to mention that while some people could find you "shallow" because you don't see through the skin to the person underneath, or notice other handsome features, other people may find you to know exactly what you like in life and what turns you on, thus making you a smarter person.

Turn it around, and maybe as women, we have experienced this all too often. A guy meets a woman and he likes her, but he is an "ass man". Maybe this woman's ass is not her best feature. He likes her, he's crazy about her, she other great features, but the ass is lacking in what he normally likes and goes for. Eventually, he will grow tired of her and keep looking at the women who have great asses wishing he could get some. Most people would call the guy shallow, I would have once too, but if this is something that is instinctive within him and he has no control over that particular desire, then he does a disservice to the woman by dating her and leads her to believe that she does "it" for him, when she really doesnt and just hurts her for no reason.

I used to feel differently about this subject, because for me, I don't have a particular "thing" that is a consistent attractor in my life. All men have looked different but all nice looking or cute to me. But I have noticed that when people (men and women) try to be "mature" and look beyond the usual leg, boobs, chest, biceps, face, ass attractions, the relationship fails due to cheating or discontent. So why fight it and try to change people from who they really are.

So, I hope things worked out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 3:16pm

Just tell him thatyou like him as a friend but don't have a romantic vibe with him - no need to get specific

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