guy blame, girl cry
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| Sat, 03-04-2006 - 4:00am |
I know couples are suppose to fight sometimes, but how much is normal. At what point you should tell yourself we just don't get along?
Well, I feel like I'm almost at the end of my turbulent 2yr+ relationship with my bf. I just can't stand the way we fight and how frequent we fight anymore. I want to know has anyone had experience with a bf who never admit to making mistakes? How do you know if you are wrong or he is just twisting things around to blame you?
It sound so stupid because I can't even judge whether I'm wrong or he is being manipulative. (he is very convincing) I've been so upset with him so frequently lately that I wonder if I'm going crazy. (he certainly think so)
Another thing, how do you feel about a guy who is totally unsympathetic when a women starts crying during a fight. Maybe I've been lucky, but he certainly is the first to toally ignore me no matter how long I cry. He is also the first bf where I have to apologize all time.
He said the reason he doesn't comfort me when I cry is because I started a fight, made him mad, I was rude, it's my fault, so I don't deserve to be comforted. He usually just go back to sleep. He will ignore me for as long as it takes. I just don't know how he can do that. Am I niave or is this guy just cold-hearted? We've been talking about marriage and all that stuff but I'm just scared I'll spend the rest of my life crying alone at night and saying sorry for everything.
If i'm as unpleasent as he say I am, why doesn't he just dump me?
Thanks for listening

su328...
PG's 2 cents...for whatever they're worth:
1. If the only thing the 2 of you do is ARGUE....why bother having a relationship in the first place? They're supposed to involve 2 people who genuinely LIKE (AND POSSIBLY LOVE) EACH OTHER?
2. Some men feel very badly when a woman cries....others read this as a "manipulative ploy" for sympathy and IGNORE HER! Sounds like your b/f falls under the 2nd category?
3. If the words any woman uses toward a man are destructive, catty, nasty, hurtful, or just to 'get a reaction'----we'll eventually tune them AND YOU....OUT! When you've been a party to the same sort of feminine behavior over and over....most of us automatically dismiss it!
Pianoguy
First, I do agree with PG in that some guys to believe that a woman uses crying as a manipulation tool. He might think you are doing it to stop the fight or make him feel sorry for you or whatever.
However, that said, I think his actions toward you are manipulative and mean. Hardly ever in a relationship is EVERYTHING one person's fault and NEVER the other's. And yet your b/f is telling you that it is all your fault and the reason he acts the way he does is because of you. That is the classic move that emotional abusers use - the "why do YOU make ME do this!" stuff. No one makes someone do anything. They are always in control of their own actions and reactions. He is choosing to not take any responsibility for his and push his behavior on you. Not cool.
You need to take a look at your fights and what you fight about and try to objectively look at both points of view. And take a deep look at your behaviors. ARE you being immature or stubborn? ARE the things you are saying and thinking "wrong"? But also, since it is the way you believe, why is it wrong? Or on the other hand, is HE the one being immature and stubborn? Is what he is saying wrong?
Lastly, you need to decide if this relationship is giving you what you need and want anymore. If it's not making you happy anymore, you need to figure out if there is a way you can fix the relationship (by getting counseling or working through your problems maturely) or if you can't fix it, then you have to get out. If you stay in a relationship just because it's easier to stay than go but you continue to be miserable and not work on your problems, you will only get more miserable and later down the line, it's even harder to get out, especially if you are married. Good luck.
I appreciate both your 2 cents. We both know we love each other very much, but it is just nasty when we fight.
When we first started dating, I was very arrogrant and I never say sorry. He really put his foot down and demanded for them. Now, I'm much better at apologizing. On the other hand, he never learned to apologize. Is it my own fault because I never stood up for myself? In fact, lately I notice I would just say sorry regardless just so we won't have to fight. (I know unless I say sorry or do something nice, things will never get better.) I feel like the more I let him, the more he push next time.
Don't get me wrong, he is not a bad bf at all. It just scares me how in-control he is all the time with his feelings. I don't understand it, I'm just not like that.
I'm sure you do love each other, but remember that sometimes love doesn't mean you make a compatible couple. There are still many men I have love for but know that in the long run, it wouldn't work.
Would you really be able to see yourself like this for the rest of your life, fighting in such a nasty manner?