Guy Changes Mind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Guy Changes Mind?
8
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 8:44pm
Hi,

It's been a while since I've posted here. If you guys will recall, I had posted before about a guy (Eric) who asked me out to lunch, we went, then all of the sudden he started avoiding me. Well, that was about 3-4 months ago. Now, whenever I'm at church, a friend of the family (Bill) sits with us, who is a handsome male. The guy I went out with (Eric) sits about three pews behind us, and to the right. He can see this family friend (Bill) sitting with us. Well, as I was exiting the sanctuary at the end of service, this past Sunday, I noticed he was sitting with a rather attractive female friend. (They would make a good couple). I didn't think anything of it, because I had gotten over Eric, being that all hope seems lost... LOL I just thought, "oh he's found someone he can get along with. Good for him." It was either that, or she just came in late and that was the only place left to sit (?) then they struck up a conversation. Whatever. Anyway, I didn't think anything of it until, when I had turned to look back to see where my mother had wondered off to. Eric emerged from the sanctuary doors, with his female friend walking and talking with him, and then all of the sudden, he says, "hi, Cheryl!" as if he's never avoided me. The way he said hi to me was like he was going out of his way to make me look over at him with this girl he was with. Before I realized who it was, I said, "hi, Eric!" When I realize I had said "Eric," I quickly turned and continued looking for my mother with this "look" on my face. I think he saw me rolling my eyes - I'm not sure - it was an automatic response. I didn't mean to. I wonder why all of the sudden, NOW he's saying "hi" to me? My mother seems to think that Eric's trying to make me jealous, because he's jealous and realizing what a good thing he screwed up. (But that's moms for you - they're biased LOL). I think he's feels comfortable now that he may have a g/f. However, what if my mother is correct - and what if Eric asks me out again? How do I turn him down politely? I feel sorry for the female friend, if this is what he's doing, and she realizes he was using her like that. (After all he IS an immature 23 y/o). I've thought about just telling him, "I'll have to check my schedule," or something if he does ask me out again. I'm hoping he won't. Another thing is, since I have a 3 day weekend this week, I'll be able to volunteer at the shelter... But then I remembered Eric might be there. I'd hate not to volunteer just because I want to avoid Eric (avoid: because I have no idea how to avoid him politely, in person). Any opinions on what to say to him, should he ask me out again or start acting like he's my friend again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 9:06pm
i think he was just saying hi. i wouldn't see anymor einto it. it'll drive you bonkers.

honestly guys just dont like being uncomfortable around poeple they usedc to date. ive seen guys ive just all of sudden stopped answering their calls, etc. and then ran into 'em. and trust me , i avoided them big time or would act weird - im sure.

hes probably over the weirdness and is being nice. since it is a church afterall ;)

-surfergirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:18am
Hi,

I think that Eric was not happy seeing you sitting with your family friend and decided to bring another female to church with him to 'Show You'. I honestly believe this because why would he make it a point of calling out to you all of a sudden if he was ignoring you before. He wanted to be absolutely sure you saw him with the attractive female. I agree with your mom and I'm not biased; I think he is jealous and this was his way of getting back at you. I do hope he saw you roll your eyes so in turn you 'showed him' that it was petty. As far as the shelter goes, if it were me, I would ignore him completely and see what he does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 8:32pm
You wrote: "Hi, I think that Eric was not happy seeing you sitting with your family friend and decided to bring another female to church with him to 'Show You'. I honestly believe this because why would he make it a point of calling out to you all of a sudden if he was ignoring you before. He wanted to be absolutely sure you saw him with the attractive female. I agree with your mom and I'm not biased; I think he is jealous and this was his way of getting back at you. I do hope he saw you roll your eyes so in turn you 'showed him' that it was petty. As far as the shelter goes, if it were me, I would ignore him completely and see what he does."

_____________________________

But why would he (all of the sudden) be jealous of Bill, when he's been trying his best to avoid me all this time? Maybe he wants me to know he's with someone because he thinks I'm still "pining" over him? Oh please! I've moved on to better things... LOL what's your take? Still sticking to the original "he's jealous" thing?

Thanks for all of the repsonses! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 10:29pm
OHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY Gooooooooooooooosh! My mother's instincts were right! (And the other poster). Guess who just called me and asked me out?!!! *hyperventilates* I just checked my machine and he left a message saying, (verbatim) "Hi Cheryl, it's Eric. Sorry it's been a while since we've talked. Been busy. I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? Call me. Let me know (gave number)."

WHAT THE HECK DO I TELL HIM? How do I casually drop a hint that he had his chance and blew it? And why doesn't he realize I've lost his number - on purpose?! (Not that I really ever had a chance to tell him, what with his running off and blending into the woodwork until I left the room).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 12:34am
Okay, he called, and you are sure you don't want anything with him? then if he calls again and you just happen to answer the phone just politely tell him that you had a few dates or whatever, it was nice, but you didn't appreciate being hung out to dry, for 3 or 4 months he avoided you.. like that really shows you he is interested.. I don't care what his excuse is but IF he really honestly liked you then make him EARN your trust again, who is to say you don't have one more date and he does it again... perhaps you can ask him what happened to his lady friend.. LOL anyways I hope I helped.. keep us posted!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Fri, 07-02-2004 - 1:57pm
You wrote: 'But why would he (all of the sudden) be jealous of Bill, when he's been trying his best to avoid me all this time?'

He was avoiding you because he didn't feel threatened. Now that Bill is around and he doesn't know for sure that he is just a 'family friend' he feels that you won't be pining for him anymore. Kind of like you may just slip through his fingers. I honestly think some men ignore you but don't want you to find someone else just in case they want to come back. I honestly believe this... and yes, I am still sticking to the jealous thing. :-) Best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 4:13pm
Well, I called him back to tell him simply, that now was not a good time, but I got his answering machine. So I just flew off the handle. How dare he expect me to call, then having me to leave a message. So I told him (or his machine, rather), "look, I don't appreciate the way you've been avoiding and ignoring me lately, and for no apparent reason, and now all of the sudden you act interested again? I'm not in to playing games, and I'm not in to playing phone tag. You already appear to have your hands full at this time. Thanks, but no thanks." *click*

So was I harsh or cruel? Or did I do it right? Why do I feel so guilty? not that I want to date someone who's going to treat me like that, but I hate being mean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 11:39am
**claps hands and smiles** you go girl!!