Guy I met at the NYE party...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Guy I met at the NYE party...
11
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 8:54pm

I met him during the NYE party and we both danced the night away. I was with my 2 other girl friends and during the dance this guy approached me to dance. He told that he is not that much of party goer but his frnd dragged him for the NYE. Even though I was the one who danced a lot, he was also with me dancing and looking at me I think! We were together till the party ended.

He is smart looking, has a handsome job and is a soft guy. But he is 1.5 years younger than me. I like to be friends with him but not in any romantic way...but I am open to that depending on whether we will really click or not. He called me yesterday to say hi and left a voice mail. He again called today and we casually spoke and he then asked 'when I can see you? Can we go out for dinner'? Its been more than 5 years since I have dated a new man and I am so nervous as to how to take this further? I wanted to just have fun on my NYE and so hit it off dancing and going loose! He even kissed me on the dance floor on the cheek and later we shared a smooch. he is nice. But I donno what to do. Should I meet him or just cut it off? Should I worry about the age factor at all? My girl friend seems to like a guy who is 26 and she is 31.

Even if I meet him this week, how do I tell him that I want to be his frnd and nothing else for now? And expain to him that the party night was different since I came there to just have fun!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 12:30pm

1.5 years age gap is nothing hun. Go out with him and see what happens. At this point, making it clear that you don't have a romantic interest on him is not necessary. You met one night and danced. You don't know anything about this guy. He seems nice and wants to get together and have dinner. What better way to get to know him and see if you both click. If not then you'll have a friend.

By the way, I would NOT mention that the NYE night was for "fun". That could give him te wrong impression, one of a girl who gets "losse" when having fun. Unless you want that impression, DON'T mention it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:17pm

Well, I need more friends for sure. So I guess there is no harm in meeting with him. I hope this guy is not seeing me only romantically! I want to see where this goes...

thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:13pm
You've said yourself you're not sure if you really do just want to be friends. You're nervous because it's been a while since you've dated - it sounds like you recently broke off a relationship? So when you get together just mention that it's been a while since you've dated, you want to take things slow and take it from there. But don't totally slam the door.. You're looking for things to be nervous about - 1 1/2 year age difference
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 9:14pm

<< I hope this guy is not seeing me only romantically! I want to see where this goes...>>

Well, he might want to "see where this goes" too ... which is EXACTLY why you need to be UPFRONT with him about NOT wanting to be in a relationship. How do you say that? Well, you just say it ... "I'm not looking for a relationship right now." Period.

And, by disclosing that ... and him knowing that ... you will not be giving him any false impression that you want to DATE him. If you go out with him, let him know UPFRONT that you're only interested in being friends. Sure, it may hurt his feelings, but ... it will hurt his feelings a lot more if you go out with him on "dates" (ie, allowing him to pay)... and all-the-while what you know about you is that you don't want anythign more than being friends.

Be honest with him. If he doens't want to be just friends, then ... you'll have to respect that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 1:42am

yes, u are right. It has been a while long long while since I dated. I am in fact coming out of a relationship but I need friends now. I met this guy in the party and we kissed each other. Maybe he is after that. but he even was very nice with me the other day, he said he liked me. this might be infatuation, but I am afraid that he is being nice to me thinking about what every man thinks! Sex! I hope he won't aim only for that when we meet next time.

Do you think it is better for me to meet him with my friend and her boy frnd instead of me meeting him alone? I havent told this to him yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 10:31am

<< Do you think it is better for me to meet him with my friend and her boy frnd instead of me meeting him alone? I havent told this to him yet. >>

Honestly, I don't think you should meet up with him at all. You're not in the right frame-of-mind about it. Not if you think that he's only after one thing. Sounds like you have trust issues with men, are suspicious of their motives, etc. Which is not a strong basis for dating or even for making friends, for that matter.

If you're already doubting him, questioning his motives, etc ... do him a favor and politely decline his invitation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 10:08am

I dont think she has trust issues with men! this is an accusation you cant make from the few lines she wrote on this board!

To OP:
I believe the guy is looking for Romance with you. You kissed him and he is looking for part 2 of that! so I think you should definitely mention the NYE thing. Tell him you were drunk and single and so you did not mind kissing him then but that was the NYE drunken exception... and that you would like to start as a friend with him and see where things go.
Funny I had the same experience last NYE. I was really drunk and danced with a guy there and we kissed 3 times. We exchanged emails and met again. I found him not very mature (btw he is 6 yrs my junior) so decided I dont want to be romantically involved with him but did not tell him exactly that. (Although I thought I had alluded to this quite clearly by saying I have NO Romantic interest in anyone at the moment and I m bored with my lack of interest in men in general... few months later he accused me of sending him mixed messages and confusing him and up till this minute he is very bitter when he is around me. Unfortunately I had introduced him to my circle of friends and now he is around all the time!!
You dont need a bitter person who is willing to stab you in the back anytime he gets a chance to. So clarify this to the guy before he builds hope that you are interested in him. Dont introduce him to any of your friends right now. See how he takes the friendship thing between you first and then decide if you want him to meet your friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 12:28pm

<< I dont think she has trust issues with men! this is an accusation you cant make from the few lines she wrote on this board! >>

Sure, I can. She's written more than a few lines, and specifically, to say << but I am afraid that he is being nice to me thinking about what every man thinks! Sex!>> ... that points *directly* to an issue with men's intentions. She is skeptical of men's intentions because she thinks he only likes her because he's after one thing, sex! (as "every man thinks", I might add that she stated ... she isn't even taking THIS particular man at face value, she's lumping them all together, as "every man thinks." That's a problem).

Now, if that isn't a trust issue, I don't know what is. She doesn't trust men's intentions. She thinks they are only after one thing and that is his reason for being nice to her.

Secondly, it wasn't an accusation ... I didn't ACCUSE her of anything. Rather, it was observation and an opinion based on what was written.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:46pm

Ok, girls no more confusion here. When I meant 'every man thinks about sex', it was meant to focus more on this guy and especially I was just being clear to all here on this board that he "might" be seeing me romantically inclined towards him. I want to make it clear that I am not seeing all men suspiciously! I am not like that. This NYE party guy - Yes because i kissed him, and i was slightly drunk too. I am praying god that I did not give him only wrong signs and he truly wants me to be his friend.

anyways, i will keep u posted what happens. he did not call me for 2 days since I had told him I am yet to decide whether i can meet him this weekend since I am moving to a new place! I hope he calls me today :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 3:13pm

<< I am praying god that I did not give him only wrong signs and he truly wants me to be his friend. >>

Hoping or praying has nothing to do with it. If you want to pray, pray for things that are beyond your control, pray for things you need guidance on, for things you are uncertain about and need a little faith.

This completely within your control. Save your prayers for things that you truly need God's help with solving. Because this is easily solved by YOU without God's intervention or help.

Meaning ... if/when he calls you, then ... just TELL HIM your intentions. That all you are looking for is be friends. You can hope or pray about it all you want ... but really, its as simple as a little upfront honesty .. by being straightforward.

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