Is this guy a keeper or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Is this guy a keeper or not?
4
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 3:04am
Hi,

I'll be 21 next month and I just met this guy who is 30. He works with my uncle and I met him on a four wheeler riding trip with my family. He seemed like a really great guy, with a lot going for him and a good head on his shoulders, so we started to date. We have been dating for about 3 weeks now (even though it seems so much longer than that) and things were going great. I really like him, he likes me, etc. Well anyway, to the point. When we first met each other he told me he was on match.com and I didn't see it as a problem. Well I looked up his profile online and it said active within one hour (meaning he was still checking it). Still, I am fine with this, because we are not official. But when I ask him if he is still doing it, he lies and tells me no. What's with the secrecy? I mean its not like I can't go online and check! And then also, to top it off, I find out he's taking steroids? I have no idea why he would want to do this. He's not a big guy. He's not fat or muscly, he's just average. But I assume he is taking them to get big? I have no idea. But he doesn't know that I know. I guess my question is do you think this guy is even worth my time? I feel like if he is keeping THIS kind of stuff from me, what else would he keep from me if we were in a relationship later? What do you guys think? Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:01am
okay, well lying about being on match.com is not cool. if he is lying and its only the beginning of the relationship, then it doesnt look good. what comes to the steroids tho, you have been going out for 3 weeks, you are going out and as you said, it isnt anything serious yet. would you expect him to come to you and say "oh by the way, i am on steroids"? i am sure if you were on BCP I am sure you would not disclose that within a few weeks of meeting this guy...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 9:16am
I had a similiar situation once about the internet dating site....

There are 2 things you can do, you have to decide which

1. Wait until you have the exclusive talk, then ask him why he is still on match.com. Admit to knowing his profile is still up.

or

2. Make a fake email address (like thru yahoo) and sign up for match.com (for the free part of it at least) and send him an email/message. See if he responds. If he does then he is still looking. Or you could wait until you are exclusive, see if he responds then. If he does respond to the "fake" girl then you know he is a bad guy and you can dump him. I would not admit to making up a girl though.

as for the steroids thing - who told you he was on them? There are a few other reasons that someone would take steroids - they can be prescribed by a doctor for medical conditions, one I know is for asmatha(sp). I wouldn't come out and ask him until later, but if he is taking the illegal kind of steroids then I would dump him b/c they have been known to cause violent behavior in some men. Some men who take steroids will inject it into their body, have you seen any shot marks on his arms? Does he work out a lot - lifting weights?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 12:45pm
Thanks for your help!

Yeah, that is a really good idea (the whole match.com thing)...lol girls can be so scandelous...(:

But the steroids, they are the illegal kind and I think he is taking the injections. I haven't seen any marks on his arms from the needles but I think they can maybe inject it other places. (like the butt)? I think he is taking them to lose some belly fat and build muscle. And yes he works out a lot....he's not real muscly or anything, but I don't know. He weighs about 225 I guess and he's 6 foot. He used to weigh 300 pounds so I think this is why he taking them? I don't know but I don't like it b/c yes like you said they can cause violent and uncaring behavior.

When I confronted him about the match.com thing, he said he is not actively seeking someone, but I think he is. I mean, I guess it's ok b/c we are not official but he keeps talking about wanting to be. And also you should HEAR the stuff he says! I mean, he sounds like he's pretty into me, but I'm not so sure now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 2:38pm

I think being on illegal drugs is enough of a reason to dump this guy.

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