Guy only started dating in his 30's
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Guy only started dating in his 30's
| Thu, 10-26-2006 - 10:22am |
I went on a date with this guy and he told me he started out late in the dating game and only started dating in his 30"s (he's 36). He said he used to be really shy and had a lot of anxiety problems. You would never know it by talking with him though. I was a little bothered by this, but then I thought to myself, why should I feel weird about this? I mean, it IS a little weird, but people have problems in life and no one is perfect. I'd like to think I'm not that shallow and that I am open minded about things, but I have to admit that this turned me off a little bit. If he was a guy who had tons of dating experience, why would that make me feel better? Am I being ridiculous about this?

Well, a man who started dating in 30's has a lot of disadvantages as I see it. I speak from experience. Your case may not be the same, BUT it'll have many similarities.
I dated a man who was 38 and had JUST started dating. I met him through a dating site. He was open about not dating much and just started dating. He told me that he was inmersed in his books and work so he didn't have time to date. Then suddenly, he realized that he had a job and friends, BUT he had no GF and he missed that. So he started dating online.
The first date we went out went somewhat fine. We met at one of his favorite restaurant and we shook hands when we introduced ourselves. We had agreed to dress up casually so I did. He did too, but too much. He wore old sweats and dirty sneakers. I noticed that he was very set in his ways and had a bit of obsessiveness when ordering food. We chatted about stuff, but he mainly focused on him and his work.
We had a second date, that was set around HIS schedule due to mine being hecktic at the time. He wore a diffierent outfit withnthe same dirty sneakers. He bought tikets to a movie and then we went to dinner. He had given me three options for the movie so I picked one, but at the time I didn't know he wanted to see all three himself. He's into foreing movies and proclaims he hates american movies. So we went to dinner and after the show we went to a nice restaurant that he went to on a regular basis. I must mention that on our way to the show -we lived just outside of NYC at the time- we took 3 trains that he chased down with me tagging along in the caboose. I of course asked him to slow down. One cannot run with heels. Once in the city, he took me on a marathon pace to help him buy a bag and then we raced to the theaters. I was sweating by that time so I was happy to take a seat at the theater. After the show we walked 8 to 10 blocks to the restaurant and ate, drank and then went back home.
During both dates I felt like I was just a "pal' to hang out with. I paid my train fares and he took care of dinner and the tickets. That's fine, but no friendly hug or hand shake at the end of the dates.
By this time I was wondering if he was normal. I felt OK in his company, but couldn't know for sure if he was looking for a pal or a GF. I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
He e-mailed me for a thrid date, which I accepted because I set it up at one of my favorite restaurants. BUT, he mentioned that I could hold up a table 30 minutes before his arrival....hmmmmmm. Another BIG RED flag. I went to the restaurant on time for our date and he called me and left a message saying that he was going to be late 30 minutes and to wait for him. I left the restaurant. It was a Saturday and I was there wasting my time with this guy. He had no respect for my time or persona.
The following day I received an nasty angry e-mail asking me why I had left and that I had left him without a ride home......hmmm.
I guess he wanted a pal and a driver. Needless to say that now I'm aware of that little detail that is dating time.
My guy lacked of basic knowledge about women and dating. Beside that he was self-centered, rude and espected women to accommodate to his schedule. He was comfy at 38 and wasn't going to change.
My point is that your guy may not be aware of dating etiquette, how to treat a woman or how to behave on a date. He may be a good guy, I'm not saying he's not, but he's missed a lot of social stuff in 20 years. You may choose to teach him.
Good luck to you, There are a lot of guys who have tons of experience in dating and are worst than the guy I went out with. Your guy may end up being different.
You're not being ridiculous, not that he cant be someone wonderful with whom you can have a wonderful relationship but obviously there were things that happened in his life that obviously were pretty traumatic and ego shattering an d left huge impact.