Guy Picks Another Women

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Guy Picks Another Women
6
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 2:25am

I live in California and this guy lived in Pennslyvania him and I started talking in April after meeting through a dating site. We texted, called, skype chatted via texting and video calls. We started falling for each other really caring, loving, one another. Plus also shared a lot of the same interests, talked everyday all day and night really connecting and liking one another. But then things started falling downward and he ended up telling me he was talking to another girl besides me. He said he did love and care for me but as friends. He wanted to be with this another girl instead of me. It really hurt me to have him tell me that all of what we talked about was all lies and that he didn't want me but wanted another women. Why did he do this and why do guys and girls do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-11-2013 - 11:04am

I think it's usually very unrealistic to try to have a relationship with someone who lives so far away from you.  Did you ever talk about meeting and what would happen if you liked one another?  Would you be willing to move there to be with him or vice versa?  Do you think the other girl lived closer to him and he figured it would be easier to meet her?  It's really only been a couple of months anyway--that's the getting to know you period.  So I wouldn't assume that everything he said was a lie, just that he was getting to know you and then realized that he liked someone else better.  there is really no guarantee when you start dating someone that it won't happen--or you could think you like someone a lot but then as you get to know him, you realize that he's not all that great too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 3:09am

Yes we talked about visiting one another, we talked about moving, even marriage and kids. We were really liking each other a lot. Even loved and cared for one another. But here's the funny thing, he said he found another girl and wanted her instead of me, BUT look who pops up on this dating site,

http://www.christiandatingforfree.com/view_profile.php?userid=665818&pind=0

So it's like is he with that "other" girl or did he just want to be single or is he just a player or someone playing mind games or a little bit of everything? If he is on this dating site it is making me want to talk to him again and seeing what is going on but what if he just gives me the run around?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-12-2013 - 10:52am

If the guy had to lie to you & say he met someone else when maybe he just didn't want to be with you, then why would you even want to talk to him?  And sorry, but I think it's crazy to talk about being in love & hopefully getting married to someone you have never met in person.  Are there really no men in California?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 12:48am

Napy-

Hi. Yes, he might have genuinely liked you, but the distance could be a big deterrent for him. If he can find someone closer who is a decent prospect, it's a lot easier. I've started two long distance relationships myself, but only when there was nothing worthwhile close to home. As to him still being on the dating site, he could genuinely be involved with this other woman, just not exclusive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2013
Sun, 07-14-2013 - 7:28pm

Nothing is real until you have met and interacted in person.  When you're still in the online/Skype/etc. phase, it's just a shared fantasy. 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 07-17-2013 - 5:43pm

  Look you lost noting but a dream of what could be.  That is all.  people fall in love with literary characters,movie stars,rock stars and all unrequited.   I myself have flown to meet women(I'm male) who are thousands of miles away and I will tell you don't.  Very rarely does it end well.  We in the West are under a lot of pressure to find mates and ruin our lives for the powers that are.   The cultural pressure is immense.  The truth is many like to be themselves.

chaika