Is this guy for real? Sorry. Long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Is this guy for real? Sorry. Long.
4
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 11:58pm

In April (this year) I saw a guy who I haven't seen for a long time. I worked with him at a store when we were both in college. Now we are in our early 30's. We both take the same commuter train to work. When we met up again for the first time, we sat together and talked. It was casual and friendship like manner. The more I told him about what I was doing with my life, the more interested he seemed. He found out I'm single and he's single now too. We met up for drinks a couple of times after work. But the times we met for drinks were about 3 weeks or so apart. For Memorial Day and July 4th weekend, he didn't ask me about my plans and I didn't push a date with him on those weekends because he told me he'd be busy. Whenever we went out for drinks or he saw me on the train, he acted very interested in me. He paid a lot of complements on my clothes and hair etc... A few weeks ago, it was 95 degrees with high humidity. He was supposed to meet me at my office. He called to tell me he was downstairs. I told him to come up, because I will be at least another 20 minutes. He said he would "be fine" waiting downstairs. Soooo about 20 mins later, I went downstairs and he was drenched. Soaking wet with perspiration. Then we went to a bar / grill for appies and drinks. We had a great time and took the train home. On the way home he started sneezing and said "I think I'm catching a cold from waiting outside in that heat". I told him I was sorry for his trouble and snuggled with him. Soooo that weekend, he told me he was too sick to go out. Note: He and I have never been out on a weekend. It was always during the week after work.

The following Monday, I saw him on the train again. He told me how sick he was all weekend and asked me what I did over the weekend. Friday night, my roomie and I stayed in, invited another friend over, watched a movie on pay per view, and ordered a pizza and drank beer. And that Saturday, it was my nephew's birthday, so I did the family thing. So I told him what I did. He said "you had more fun than me". Then he asked me what I was doing for Labor Day weekend. No definite plans I told him. I was invited to a couple of BBQ's, but I hadn't committed to anything. He right away told me that he couldn't get together that weekend. His brother was visiting from Florida. "ummmm okay... why did you ask what my plans were, then?" Tuesday, I called him at work and told him the restaurant we liked was closing and this weekend would be the last weekend it would be open and would he like to go? "Yeah sure," he says "too bad the place is closing. I really like that place". He then told me he'll get back to me and let me know if he can get out of work at a decent hour on THURSDAY night. Not Friday, but Thursday (still no weekend date). So I didn't hear from him all day yesterday or today. Finally at 6:00 I called him on his cell. I know... my bad... He was abrupt with me and said "well this week's bad. I really can't go to that restaurant with you tonight". So I said "how about tomorrow night?" Of course he said "this weekend's bad".

What should I do the next time I see him on the train? Should I ignore him? If he asks me out, should I say "this week's bad?" Another question, why would anyone waste time schmoozing with a girl who's obviously interested in them? Was he experimenting to see how much he can get away with? Maybe just to pass the time during the 45 minute commute?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 12:12am

Something's off. He is being evasive. It's almost as if he is afraid of coming closer. And then, with no weekend dates yet, it looks even more fishy to me. But then he does like you...what with all the compliments, and you both meeting up, even though it has been infrequent. I would advise you to not get caught up with ANY expectations with him at this stage. Be nice but cautious. He just doesn't seem like he is really available! Better to be careful now, than regret later. I would be guarded in this scenario...and not step closer. Friendship is fine, but anything else...be careful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:05am
It sounds to me like he might have been lying about being single. It's highly suspicious that his weekends are no good. Do you have his home phone number even? He's probably either got a wife at home, or a girlfriend that he spends his weekends with, and he just keeps saying that something came up so he's working late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 4:34am

I have come to two conclusions based on your story:

1) He is interested but not "that" interested. Sometimes ppl just like to flirt because it's fun, but has no intentions of getting seriously involved...or maybe the novelty of running into you after so many years wore off, so that explains why he is avoiding you.

2) Agree with Kelly, it also sounds like he has a significant other...that is why there are not weekend dates so far.

You are too good for him. Either way he seems a little bit like a sleaze by either leading you on for no reasons, or that he is cheating on someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 8:48pm
Thanks for all your replies! He still lives at home and I have his private phone number (not the "house number"). So I can't rule out the possibility of him having a gf. I haven't called him, or e-mailed him and he hasn't contacted me either. Maybe I'll just ignore him when I see him on the train. Or I could be friendly and tell him I'm interested in someone else. I know. I'm a baddie, but I'd hate to see him get the last laugh.