Guy thinks I am bsing him.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Guy thinks I am bsing him.......
2
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 11:59am

I'm going to try and make this short. I was with my ex for 13 years and divorced a year and half.. I was attending school and met this guy where we were friends, and hung out with a group of people. After a month of only seperating we went out one night I drank and we both had sex. Well my ex found out and thought I cheated on him because I Had sex with him soon after seperating and he had questions if it was going on while we were married. It wasn't! He talked to a friend at work about it for advice well it went all around work that I cheated. This job is worse than high school. Currently my ex and I and the new guy all work together ( I know crazy!) My ex actually knows all about him and has no issues with him. The new guy thinks my ex wants to kill him. My ex and him work different shifts and my ex actually wants to talk to him that he doesn't have a problem with him. Current situation is my ex knows nothing happened while we were married but now it's too late rumors were already started. He regrets talking to his friend. Everybody at our job is sooo nosy and basically love gossip. Its so annoying. My ex and I remain friends he has moved on and has a girlfriend (we have more of a brother and sister relationship only way I can explain it) Now this new guy for the past year and half we hang out a couple times a week. We go out once in a while; its hard he has a son who is 9. We would go to the beach, water parks, hang out at his house watch baseball game, movies, and I would sleep over. It was kind of a "friends with benefits" relationship. I would put a lot of pressure on sex in the beginning ( I know my fault), because I really didn't know where I stand with him. He would tell him all the time the whole sex thing is YOU not ME... So I basically confused him what I wanted. Now update what is going on now.I have very strong feelings for him, I don't remember ever feeling like this in my life. He has very low self esteem. He has been hurt really bad. He thinks he's nothing great to look at , or a great guy. He turns me on sooo much, amazing guy, and amazing dad., funniest guy I have every met. We connect on a level that I have never had before. A couple months ago he invited me on a cruise with his son had an amazing time. Before we went on the cruise I started telling him how I felt. I layed on him and told him how I amazing I think he is it last for about 5 minutes. He put the pillow over his face and got teary eyed because he said nobdy has ever said stuff like that to him before. Well he said the only thing hold him back is the whole rumor thing at work because if we got together everything would look true...He is a very very private person, doesn't like peple in his business.My problem and question is I have done this push and pull thing. Meaning I tell him how I feel in text ( I know sooo wrong) I tell him how much he means to me and mushy stuff. He always thinks I am BULLSHITTING him. He doesn't belive me. I know its my fault because I talk sex with him through text and tell him how I feel. I haven't talked to him in person how I feel because I freeze up and I told him that. If a guy thinks a girl is bullshitting them (he says it in a FUNNY way) is it because it's easier for him to not talk about how he feels??????? Last night we both worked he called me to say goodnight cause I was leaving. Well 10 minutes later I called him he said Hey! I said I just wanted to say goodnight to you again. I know I feel like a dork ( I sound like I am 12 but we are both in our mid 30s) He said ahhh stop its all bs and he laughed! Like I said I talk sex, and say mushy stuff, and on top of it he has very low self esteem, and no confidence in himself. I think I know my answer that I need to talk to him in person and stop with the mushy text messages because that's prob why he doesn't belive me. Any advice would be great. I tried to make it short, I actually did I left a lot of stuff out. But it comes down to it I do love him, and I just see him in my life and I need him to know I am serious and its not just sex, and bsing him.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 10:48pm

  I think I see the problem. One is that fact everyone works together.  2nd is that you in person do not back up what you say in text.  Anyone would be a bit confused.  IMO you are idealizing this guy.  He is human with what you say low self esteem.  That is not good. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2012
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 1:24pm

I completely agree. I need to get over my fears, and just talk to him the next time I see him. It's just when I do see him and I think about telling him exactly how I feel I freeze up like a girl on a first date because I know what I feel for him is real. I have tried to see what else is out there and I compare everyone to him. I do see a future with him and I feel there's been this push and pull thing going on. When I did start to tell him how I felt he couldn't even look at me because he said no body has ever said that him before and then I stopped talking. I'm thinking of sending him a text that maybe we should do dinner, or movies something.....Lately I go over late at night we hang out, talk, watch tv, and then sex stuff happens. He always says the sex thing is on me not him but it always seems to happen. Ultimately I want to be with him and nobody else and I just need to get over my fears and just let him know how I feel exactly. Anytime I do in text it's always yeah, yeah, or that I am bsing him.