Guy/Girl friendship confusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Guy/Girl friendship confusion
3
Sat, 07-03-2004 - 10:19pm
So, I have this amzing guy friend that I have known for 6 months. When we first met I thought perhaps I could fall for him, but I knew he was not interested. Over time we became extremely good friends, even more we relaize how we are best friends and talk about it regularly. We often sleep in the same bed together cuddling but nothing more. I often experience feelings of attraction to him when this occurs. About 3 weeks ago we were falling asleep together when he started kissing my neck, then my face, arms, came close to my mouth but I didn't allow it...it didn't seem right. We had never talked or anything about that type of thing between us. The next day netierh of us mentioned what occured. I really wanted it to happen again. About 5 days later I stayed at his house and it happened again, even more passionate, but again did not make out. The next day I asked him about it and he didn't know whatI was talking about. Turns out he was asleep while it happened; subconciously acting out. We spent a lot of time thinking and being apart, praying about the situation. He was terrified he ruined our relationship. After many discussions I finally came to a peace with it all and our friendship has been better than ever. We still cuddle but never anything more. but my problem is that I am not that experteinced. Never realy dated or anything (I am 21) so I feel sometimes I may have feelings for him but sometimes I wonder if its just because we're such good friend and share so much and had those experiences. What do you think? Any advice? I don't know how to sift through my emotions. I've been upset alot. He told me kissed a girl he was intereted in a few weeks ago and I got realy mad. I'm so confused. I don't want to care for him cause I know the feelisng are not mutual, and honestly I don't want to date him because I am so happy with how we interact now. I sound like such a mess!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sun, 07-04-2004 - 11:34am
This may be a stupid question .....but why are "friends" sleeping in the same bed and cuddling?? I am 33 and most of my friends have been male---but I never slept in the same bed or cuddled with any of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 5:16pm
Oh I don't know. I thoguht it was weird at first too...I have a friend who lays witha good guy friend of hers, and its nothing. I mean gramted, it wasn't nthing for me at first...I kinda was into him, but now we're jsut so close that we lay together anyway. I definitely have problems with it at times. My emotions have been all over the place. I think its the Hrry and Sally syndrome. I think I am supposed to wind up or care about him cause "tahts how it works" but its not necessarily true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-06-2004 - 6:39pm
So now this guy is testing you to see if you would turn into a friend with benefits and you have stood up and said no. Good for you! You say that you were once interested in him romantically but have now changed into being happy you are just friends. I don't buy it for one minute that he was asleep when kissing you. That is BULL and you knew it! Glad you trusted your gut and said no.

I hope that you are not just waiting for him to change his mind and want a relationship with you. The fact that he was talking about this other girl he likes and that it upset you makes me think you are.

Maybe you need to step back and hang out with some female friends for a while. If you're all the time consumed with someone unattainable you will not have time for someone new who wants you for you. You say you have dated before, so maybe now's the time to start. Ask some female friends to set you up and put yourself out there letting your friends know you are looking.

Don't cling onto the cuddling you have with him as a replacement to the relationship you are longing for. It's not working out with this guy, but if given a chance it could work out with the next guy. If this guy does start dating someone you WILL be upset, so go out there and find someone for yourself that is in to YOU.

Heck, just go out with some female friends and go dancing!

Alison

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