guys and sex and trust issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
guys and sex and trust issues
6
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:58am
i know this board gets flooded w/ posts..but i'm looking for some input..

1st of all i have a small issue re: trusting guys..

2nd...recently i've been meeting guys who want nothing more than sex. they'll play it up until they get what they want. and i have a hard time looking at guys in a different light now. (im not saying i've given it up but that's all they've been after)

3rd - and b/c of #2, everytime i meet someone im always thinking, hes just talking to me b/c he wants sex. or hes just hanging out w/ me b/c he thinks eventually i'll give it up, or surely there's something more he wants that just to "chill" or "talk", you know?

i'm trying to remain open minded about everyone i meet but i cant help but think he wants anything more from me. and i'm starting to get depressed in the sense that i dont feel wanted or liked and i'm viewed only for one purpose.

ps i dont dress provacatively, or slutty or trashy or anything like that. (and i know some smart a$$ is going to comment saying, maybe it's the way you dress) so i'm really confused as to why guys would get that idea to begin with.

is it just this city, or is it happening elsewhere....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 1:34pm
ok, well if guys seem to be focused so much on sex with you, maybe its because you focus too much on sex with them. Sorry to say, from my experience, yes lots of guys focus on sex, but they are not all about sex. The main issue for you is to STOP focusing on sex with them. You can't think that everyone is out to get you just for sex because they are not. You are probably passing on a lot of good things. I think an important quote for you to think about is "if you look for the bad in people, you will surely find it." It is so true. If you thinks its there, you will seek it out until it comes true. So stop thinking about sex, and change your mindset. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:46pm
hi! from my experience, yes, guys are all about sex. not that it's what they want all the time, but it's a common way for them to express feelings. when they're feeling lust, they want sex (obviously)... but when they miss you, they want sex. love you, sex. adore you, sex. so it's like talking for women, you know, when we talk all the time just to feel better about stuff.

my question is, where have you been meeting these guys? if they're total strangers suddenly wanting to talk with you, then my best bet is that it's all after sex. but if these guys are friends, coworkers, or someone that just didn't come out of nowhere suddenly talking to you, then it's certainly worth a try to "chill" and "talk" with them. i know there are a lot of guys out there who are jerks, but not all of them are.

and one things more, if guys get attracted to you all the time and would want to have sex with you, isn't that a good thing? a lot of women would want to be in your position where men find them desirable. :) maybe you emit a lot of sexy vibes! (coz you don't dress provocatively you say) good luck!

"while waiting for mr. right, it's not wrong to play with the mr. wrongs!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:03pm


i'm going to have to disagree w/ you on this one. i'm not going to sit here and lie and say that i dont think about having sex w/ the guys but i'm not pouncing on them after our first meeting. i am attracted to the guys but there's something more that i want then a random sex life. i'm over that



i try not to think it but then i go and meet someone else and as soon as their hands start roaming my body i get tense and start thinking like this again. i think i'm pretty, and i dont see why guys wouldnt like me, i have this quality and that but yet i think they see past that and see a mouth, 2 boobs and a vagina. and i cant get past that



so you think that if i go ahead and sleep w/ these guys something will come out of it? how will that get me ahead in life???? i dont want that kind of lifestyle where you randomly sex whoever...that's not for me. so please explain

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:09pm
hey frost -

i dont mind sex, let me tell you. i love it. but i'd rather be in a relationship while doing it, or like my last situation, a friend (very good and very hot) with benefits. where there was something more than just randomly.

i've met these guys at different places, and we'll talk on the phone or online while getting to know each other then when we hang out its different. and i cant tell anymore..i used to be able to judge if guys were into me now i think i've lost it...



one would think!!! but like i said, i dont want that kind of lifestlye where there's a different guy every week..you know?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 11:05pm
I wonder what age group you are dating and if that would have anything to do with it? Some people are upfront about wanting to get laid...some people will hang out just waiting for you to drop in their lap knowing that it'll be a matter of time. There are reasons for 'the rules'...your cousins, men friends, the ones who aren't interested in getting into your pants will advise you not to give in (some will advise ever) until you've let the guy know you as a person...if you rush then he's satisfied and gone. just keep saying no to his groping hands until you know that he likes you and isn't just after your body. The guy just wanting to get laid will drop off the face of the planet because it is easier to get laid than having to get through all your hoops...but the guy who is interested, will stick it out, get to know you...let the waiting/tension game begin.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:22am
ok see..

i'm talking to this guy and last night he wanted me to have phone sex w/ him. now hes all ike i wanna come and see you today. blah blah he's like just know that when i come down you'll need to schedule another shower for tonight blah blah..

like wtf??

and this is the guy i was remaining open minded about. im so confused