For Guys: Do you ever 'go back'?
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| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:38am |
Date 1: I met a guy and we totally hit it off, conversation was awesome, attraction was mutual - we couldn't keep our hands off each other (but no sex). Fed each other strawberries - and both agreed we definitely wanted to see each other again.
Date 2: Talked, watched a movie and made out some more - guy asked me to stay the night but I declined thinking it was too soon.
Date 3: Went running, met some of his friends, but he was kind of running hot and cold with me that day.
Next day: I talked to him about why he seemed uncomfortable the day previous and he said he is not in the right 'headspace' because his ex fiancee has moved back to town and he's not dealing well with it. Said he guessed he thought he was more 'ready' than he is. Still wanted to see me but said we'd have to 'scale it way back'
Over the next few weeks I saw him a couple of times very casually - once by coincidence of running into him unexpectedly. He doesn't seem to call me but if I call or write an email he'll call me or write me back. I asked him to see me once more to talk, and he agreed, saying not to worry about what had happened and 'we'd set something up.'
I know he felt something for me and had a great time until he started 'thinking' too hard about it. It's been one month since our first date. What do you think? Will this guy ever come back to me?

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honey
Also, if you tend to get attached quickly (and it sounds from your posts like you do), keep dating other people until you get to know someone well enough to date them exclusively. And keep reminding yourself on the first few dates that it's early and you don't KNOW them yet. They might *seem* great but only time will tell.
I think I may have recommended these books to you before, but I think you'd really benefit from reading "A Fine Romance" by Judith Sills and "Date Like a Man" by Myreah Moore. I don't agree with everything in both of these books but overall they recommend a very sensible, realistic approach to dating and courtship.
Sheri
I just wanted you to know. Ive had many dates where the 1st one was so much chemistry, and great! then all of a sudden by the 2nd date, nothing, nota.
And to answer your question. He may come back. But you must must must NOT call/email him. Do the opposite of what you want to do, go after him. Let yourself be intriguing now.
Ive had mnay men come back to me after 1/2 dates and some time passed. These are the guys I didnt question , or call etc. Just left it be. Then a month later, they are calling wanting to go out again. Recently I had a guy that i didnt talk to for 2 months!
I liked him the first date we went out. chemistry to the max. then i didnt hear from him. we played alot of phone tag and emailing.. but neve rmet up after initial first date. then 3 weeks ago i get a call from him. And now hes pursuing me like crazy! figures im not interestd, but that is a very recent example for you.
Key to it, is to let it GO. dont expect him to come back. This will build all sorts of resentment. But go on your own and continute dating. if he likes you enough, he'll call again. If he doesnt , good riddance and good thing you got this early on
There is no such thing as "thinking" too much. Men dont normally do this. His mind is probably thinking on your whole dating senario. great girl. thats it. nothing past that since his interest wasn't enough. and w/ you calling/emailing... he doesnt have a reason to think further than that. Udnerstand? confusing, yes.
But just move on your way. and date others for now.
*S
Good luck.
Which sends the message - really I'm worth nothing as an individual and to be of benefit/use is my only function in life.
People that want an equality based partner - are disgusted by that because they are not looking to have a life of ease and comfort only at some point to have a partner totally bereft of everything, totally insecure and illogical, and needing everything from them.
And people that are looking to benefit via others....flock in, eat at the free buffet, and then get out - before you want anything in exchange/return for this "free meal".
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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