For Guys: Do you ever 'go back'?
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| Wed, 05-05-2004 - 10:38am |
Date 1: I met a guy and we totally hit it off, conversation was awesome, attraction was mutual - we couldn't keep our hands off each other (but no sex). Fed each other strawberries - and both agreed we definitely wanted to see each other again.
Date 2: Talked, watched a movie and made out some more - guy asked me to stay the night but I declined thinking it was too soon.
Date 3: Went running, met some of his friends, but he was kind of running hot and cold with me that day.
Next day: I talked to him about why he seemed uncomfortable the day previous and he said he is not in the right 'headspace' because his ex fiancee has moved back to town and he's not dealing well with it. Said he guessed he thought he was more 'ready' than he is. Still wanted to see me but said we'd have to 'scale it way back'
Over the next few weeks I saw him a couple of times very casually - once by coincidence of running into him unexpectedly. He doesn't seem to call me but if I call or write an email he'll call me or write me back. I asked him to see me once more to talk, and he agreed, saying not to worry about what had happened and 'we'd set something up.'
I know he felt something for me and had a great time until he started 'thinking' too hard about it. It's been one month since our first date. What do you think? Will this guy ever come back to me?

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It seems he's interested to you. However with the ex fiance moving back to town, this brings up a whole slew of new emotional issues for him. He may either track her down to find out if they're is another chance for them. Or he may just need some space to let his heart heal a bit more.
Give him time. Don't push him. Let him understand where he stands emotionally, he may very well call you back. However, He could still be in the rebound State. Be careful.
Are you going anywhere? If not, you've got time. Otherwise I'd continue to date other people. Otherwise you could be waiting for nothing.
Good Luck.
it's when you give up everything you've got with open doors and giving free access just becuase they "show interest" that you lose the "quality people".
Basically - when you allow people access to everything that you've worked, striven, sacrificed and expended to achieve and possess - just because they're showing interest in you...and they don't really know you as a perosn....the smart people go "oh wow, she wants companionship and is wlling to pay for it - don't want anything to do with that".
And the type that are wanting all the freebies they can get go "well, she's giving me free access and options and I'll take it as long as it's free and no obligation to me."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
anyway, to everyone who replied, I appreciate all the replies, I'm sorry if I didn't respond to anyone in particular!! I don't use this site a lot but it is great to know people are there to have interest in reading and replying. I don't take a typical approach to dating, though I try -
As an update, I called the guy last night just to chat - left a message and he replied this morning saying he was sorry he missed my call and he'll talk to me later. I thought it was very nice that he replied to me via email this morning rather than leave me hanging. I think he's ok with staying in touch so I'm just going to take it totally casually - I'll be 'around' as a friend and hope to get the chance to know him - if it will ever go anywhere -- only time can tell I guess.
Edited 5/6/2004 4:20 pm ET ET by londoness75
Hey guys,
For anyone following this crazy story - just thought I'd give an update. I am starting to feel stronger now, actually - I would love to see him again, but I am also starting to swallow the idea that I may not have that chance. Anyway, I am still supposed to have the chance to see him for a chat sometime soon, but something possessed me to just send a crazy carefree proposition email to him the other day asking would he like to just get out of town next weekend for a fun, relaxing, no-strings-attached weekend in another city... I said i realized it was spontaneous but life is short. I am not your average person - I definitely think of things in a different way than most people.
Anyway, I didn't get a reply for a day or so... and I decided I should follow it with a voice mail clarifying my intentions and that I didn't want to seem crazy, just reiterated how I felt and admitted that I had been hanging on by continuing to contact him becausae I really wanted to get to know him. It was a very heartfelt voice mail - I told him that the week i met him was one of the greatest I remember, but I was upbeat. I said I would not continue to chase him (not in those exact words) but that I would like to talk to him. Then I said that was it, and to take care. It was clearly my 'final' call....
And then he immediately sent me an email saying thanks for the email and call , that he had been out of town for 2 days and that he 'knew we need to catch up this week', he just needs to try and nail down a time. I was relieved to see he took my call seriously - he obviously doesn't seem scared by my honesty.
Then.. I went to a shopping center an hour later and I saw him across a hall ... .and he was with 2 girls. One of them was his EX! I think I did the right passive thing by staying back.. I did not call out to him even though he was only 2 arm lengths away. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable, and I want to give him time to see what he will do about getting in touch with me. I actually thought of him first - didn't want him to have to be in the awkward situation of introducing me to his ex... what do you think?
Despite that twist of fate - I feel good about having gotten everything off my chest with him , that he still seems to want to keep some contact with me, and the reality hit me in the face that the ex is definitely a front and center issue in his life. It took me seeing him walking behind her - to see that it will likely be a long road. You all warned me, but you know what, I feel so strongly that I am willing to walk that road. I'll just do my best to find someone else to take me along and I'll be strong enough to not just be his 'second choice'. if he wants me again, he will have to make it clear to me that he would be 'happy' with me.. not just as a fallback to her.
That's it for now.
Moral of the story, don't even worry about it. Just don't contact him until he contacts you. If he doesn't, forget it. But he just might. Good Luck!
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