guys with girl friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
guys with girl friends?
14
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 12:07am
Some one please tell me what is up? what is with guys who live with their girlfriends and flirt with me. Don't get me wrong I don't pursue these guys it is the other way around. But what is up with that, it has happened to me twice and I don't get it. They go into detail about every other aspect of their lives except, that someone is at home and paying half the bills. They even go so far as to hide the fact. One guy I know still thinks he's hiding that fact from me. I work with these men and they are very supportive in every other respect and seem really, really into me,not doggish at all in the behavior, my friends are even surprised to find out about the girlfriend, based on thier behavior. I read one article on the web, written by a man, who said it is not uncommon for men who live with their girlfriends to see themselves as single and pursue "relationships with other women, hiding the girlfriend at home. Does anyone think this is a disturbing trend?
please help... what is up?

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Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 8:16am
I agree with you 100% I do find this disturbing and I don't know why some men flirty with women when there definitely is a girlfriend.
My only contribution is that they do it for their egos.
The minute you start getting serious or really liking him, then suddenly it's "I have a girlfriend". Then they'll claim they were never flirting with you and you misread their intentions. Of course by then, you're swooning all over him and then left confused and heartbroken.
Men!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 11:43am

Hi there,

It's extremely disturbing. And I'm speaking from first hand experience. I was dating a guy for four years, living with him on/off and we discussed our future together...while I was out of town he did what we now see as a new trend. Approached a girl who mentioned she just got out of a relationship...and guess what he did...he told her that he just got out of one too (which was far from the truth)...and after he left the bar he calls me up to tell me that he misses me and wishes I was there! Later that girl calls him up to use his bathroom (aka booty call) and I happen to call at that time...he freaks out, and the idiot picks up the phone and tells me that he misses me...she overhears the conversation and the fact that he calls me "baby"...and she says "you do"...I hear her and well....I left the jerk! Four years together and I thought I knew him! He claims that he never did this before and he decides to tell me all the details...according to him he did not sleep with her...but whatever...I could never trust him again. It's not the girls fault...because he just blatantly lied. And to tell you the truth...he's extremely cunning and believable. So yes it sucks that guys are like this.

And unfortunately it sets the stage for our future encounters with men. I recently began to hang out with this guy...he appears to be very interested. But once after a really nice time together...I decided to ask him if he was interested or not...he said he was interested and found me very attractive, etc. Anyways, the evening proceeded and he was dropping me home...I was very happy...but as I was leaving something happened...I had to ask directly...so the words just came out of my mouth "Do you have a girlfriend?" He looked at me puzzled...he just told me he was interested in getting to know me, etc, and I asked him this. I had to. He looked at me straight in the eyes and told me "No I don't have a girlfriend...a couple of seconds passed...and it was followed by You're so weird". I didn't take the later as an insult...and I left OK w/everything. Guess what...never heard from him again. So did I sabotage the situation? I don't really care cause I learned first hand that if you don't ask directly it will bite you later on...and if you do ask they may lie straight to your face. So the main point I'm trying to make is trust your instinct. Unfortunately, I really was interested in this new guy but if he "scares" off that easily by my honesty...then I don't need him.

So, don't hesitate to ask if a person is involved and use your gut to figure out if it is the truth or not.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 1:56pm
Wow! Your story was interesting! Both of them. I shrieked reading it but it was an eye opener.
As for the last guy, you're better off without him. He probably had someone stashed aside all along.
What a creep your ex boyfriend was!
Men are so strange. I agree with you. It's better to come right out and ask and trust your instinct and also maybe ask around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 2:05pm
Disturbing? Yes. A trend? I don't know. Haven't there always been guys (and girls) who are liars and cheats among us? I don't blame you for being annoyed but personally I would just stop giving anyone the time of day once I discovered that these were their true colors. Then not give them another thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 4:50pm
Wow, I just read your post and its so amazing..because I have a guy who works with me who won't stop pursuing me. This has been going on since he started over 6months ago. I just found out last week that he has a girlfriend who lives with him with her 6year old son(not his). He failed to mention that..always telling me that he is single and very available. And I always thought he was one of the good guys (very intelligent, always a gentleman, and seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders). The reason I never accepted his invitation before is because I don't like to mix business with pleasure. Apparently he is not a gentleman after all.
Men...go figure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 10:05pm
It's sooo hard to find a good guy. It seems like guys think that they can date more than one girl at a time but if we do that its not right. What the hell is that ?!?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 10:22pm

This is how I explain this to my friends and myself...

Good guys (or girls) are like good diamonds--few and far between. You have to search through a lot of coal before you find a diamond, so it only makes sense that you would meet a majority of people who play games and only a minority who are really great... It's like my mother used to say "You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the handsome prince..."

Hope this helps. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 11:50pm
Thank you sooo much for your letter that really does help me, actually it makes me angry! But as to you recent encounter, think about it like this; honest people may be surprised by honest people, but never afraid, unless they have something to hide. If you haven't heard from him, by now, it's probably because you hit the nail directly on the head. I don't know were you are spiritually but I read something in the Bible once that said"...And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it." John 1 vers5 May be thats why he thought you were wierd because he really doesn't comprehend the truth. be blessed and keep on being honest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:02am
I hate to say this and please don't be mad, but thank God I'm not the only one, i was beginning to think it was me. Honestly, that is why I went on to Ivillage, I thought I was sending subliminal messages or something, WOW! I'm not sure if men need prayer or the women who live with them do, but something ain't right here! Also just a note the two guys I'm talking about are also college educated well mannered nice guys too, what up wit that!!!! thanks soo much for your help
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 12:08am
It's PRIDE, which luckily goes before the FALL, OOPS! BE BLESSED

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