Had a great time last night but....
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| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:27am |
I went to the bar last night and he was there by himself (I was not). He made the first move to speak to me and we just kept it casual for awhile. Of course, after a few drinks the conversation turned to some other things and he told me that he was not ready for a relationship. I told him that I did not ask him for a relationship!! Why do guys think that if you want to hang out a little and get to each other better that you are looking to name their unborn children. Anyways, we got all that cleared up and we have plans to continue on with a growing friendship that could lead to more. Is that a crazy thing to fall for??? I think that he was being honest with me. He never talked to anyone else the rest of the night and he really has no reason to lie. I really think that he is a nice guy and I would like to see if something comes of us. Any ideas/thoughts on how to do this without being the one left standing alone in the end???

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I know where you are coming from and since he was being honset with you I would just be this guy friend and go from there it worked for and my hubby we were friends for 3 months and then started to date each other and we have been together ever since so be this guy friend and go from there I see no harm in it and if things don't work out then you just made yourself a new friend - Lots of Luck :)
"Why do guys think that if you want to hang out a little and get to each other better that you are looking to name their unborn children"
Because sometimes that's the way it is! I know a guy who when he was just shy of twenty had someone who after knowing him for about two weeks was falling all over him, literally, with her clothes off, wanting unprotected sex (no birth control). Fortunately, he had more sense than she did.
I think your response was a tinge nasty, but it sounds like you got it about right with him. I can't tell whether he's interested in more than just being a "friend". I'd just take time with him and see, if you're interested. Don't count on anything.
One thing I'm pretty sure of, if you push him too fast, he'll scram. That much I am sure he was telling you.
I hope that my words don't come across as harsh.
Right now, you stand a pretty good chance of being left standing alone. Because you have hopes of turning this friendship into a romance. The guy has already told you he is not ready for a relationship... maybe not with you.. maybe not with anybody. (I don't know if that includes sex, but I don't think it would be a good idea for you to go there with him...)
This is not likely to work for either of you unless you sincerely change your attitude. You must be totally OK with the idea that he may never want to get into anything serious with you, and that's hard to pull off when you're attracted to him. You might save yourself some anxiety by directing your dating energies toward someone who is clearly interested in you.
I wish I could be more optimistic, but I just believe that when a man tells you that he doesn't want a relationship, you should believe him.
What a ridiculous world we have turned into! They just met and are already talking about whether a "relationship" is in the works. How could any sane person possibly know at that point? (I know, sometimes what look like one-night stands turn into lifelong loves, but nobody should count on it.)
And if he is just giving her the brushoff -- what a crude way to have to put it!
It's a strange world.
I would still say, don't count on anything, see him for a while, and see what happens. She didn't say she doesn't ever want a "relationship" with him, only that she's not ready to jump into bed with him. And he may feel the same way. I say bully for both of them!
We have not just met. We workout at the same gym and have for quite awhile. We talk everytime we see each other and we have called each other. I just ended a long lasting relationship a little while back and I thought I was ready to maybe get back into dating a little so during one of our conversations I asked if he wanted to go hang out sometime. He said "We'll see" and then told me where he was going to be last night and asked if I was going. I went because I go there every Thursday and that is what led up to last night. We kissed last night but nothing else. That is why I feel that I am getting some mixed signs.
My question to her was "are you being honest with yourself about just wanting "friendship with this man?" Because the most important thing to remember is that HE has already said he ISN'T ready for a relationship. If she's looking for more, she could be in for disappointment. And she didn't "just" meet him.
Now, she writes on this board wondering how she can enter into a so-called friendship and not be left "standing alone." Re-read the woman's post. Then re-read mine.
You will see that it is her ANXIETY that I was trying to help with.
You know all those personals ads from women that say "friends first"? I interpret her response as "I might be interested but not too fast".
Anyhow, she'll just have to see.
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