Had a great time last night but....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Had a great time last night but....
14
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:27am
I want to thank each of you for your advice yesterday. tg - you were right. I was making myself half crazy over something that wasn't a big deal.

I went to the bar last night and he was there by himself (I was not). He made the first move to speak to me and we just kept it casual for awhile. Of course, after a few drinks the conversation turned to some other things and he told me that he was not ready for a relationship. I told him that I did not ask him for a relationship!! Why do guys think that if you want to hang out a little and get to each other better that you are looking to name their unborn children. Anyways, we got all that cleared up and we have plans to continue on with a growing friendship that could lead to more. Is that a crazy thing to fall for??? I think that he was being honest with me. He never talked to anyone else the rest of the night and he really has no reason to lie. I really think that he is a nice guy and I would like to see if something comes of us. Any ideas/thoughts on how to do this without being the one left standing alone in the end???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:48pm
I thank you for replying but I hope that you do not think I am trying to go out and have sex with this guy to trap him into a relationship. I have not even talked about having sex with him. I talked about getting to know him.

I know that it is not possible to write the entire story on this board but I know that when we are around each other we have a good time and there is a feeling of a little more then either of us let on. So he is freaked out with the thought of a relationship right now but he tells where he is going to be and when I get there he kisses me before the night is over. (no sex!!) I just feel like I am getting mixed signs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:20am
No, I never thought you were trying to have sex with him or trap him. Just the opposite. In your first post you said

"I told him that I did not ask him for a relationship!! Why do guys think that if you want to hang out a little and get to each other better that you are looking to name their unborn children."

Since you mentioned his unborn children, I took it that "relationship" has something to do with the idea of sex!

It sounds like you are both trying to avoid rushing into something you might not want. Sounds sensible to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 9:42pm
Everytime in my life when I've had a guy tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship, we've ended up in a relationship. It may have helped that I wasn't pushing for a relationship, and I was continuing to become acquainted with other guys.

I think he's afraid. I also think there's something he wants very much. And he may feel a sense of responsibility toward not hurting you by being uncertain. And that's something to admire in a guy. He is unsure - and maybe inexperienced. Let him get comfortable in what he's doing.

But know this, if he wasn't thinking about getting into a relationship with you, he wouldn't have feelings of uncertainty. Enjoy him, appreciate him, and things will go where they go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 9:12am
You make a lot of sense to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 10:16am
Thank you - I have not thought about it like that. It makes alot of sense. I have not pushed him at all. I see him everyday at the gym and we are just friendly. It is a small gym so we are always in eyes reach of one another. On Thursday nights we go to a local bar and the last two times have ended up spending most of the night with each other and leaving at the same time. Last week we kissed, but he doesn't want a relationship right now. I am just a little confused.

I hope that you are right, I think that he could be one of the few decent single men left in my area.

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