Happily ever after...?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Happily ever after...?
4
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:28pm

Dear Dating Doyenne,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. He was married and originally told me it was only in the name of convenience (Girls I woud seriously advise against being this gullible- married is married is married and I will never ever be that woman again) - then I found out he lied to me and was also having another affair that overlapped ours for 6 months- then when I found out that his wife really did have expectations I wanted out. All of this happened in what seemed like a blink of an eye. I told him we were through and I would not tread on his wife's territory and he had lied. I changed my phone numbers and my locks.

He has begged a mutual friend to tell me how sorry he is. He has written me a song and many emails. He has said he is unhappy and is leaving his wife and making plans to rent an apartment and start legal proceedings. All just words I know.
He claims that my strength and conviction has shamed him and he is a new man and will do anything to show me that.

I have told him that I don't know how I can ever trust him and he says he'll treat me like a queen and we will never be apart. He told me all the things I want to hear and my friend is confirming that he is genuine.

I am considering giving this another shot- AFTER- the divorce is finals- after he has lived on his own for awhile and after he shows me he is truly different. Other than the bad stuff there was some really great stuff.

I am looking for your input. I suspect that this is predictable break up behavior and he may not change but I would like to wait a little and see if he does.

In your almighty and knowing experience what do you think? Can it happen? could there be happily ever after? can you predict the next tactic of his if there isn't?
Thanks,
Miss

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:04pm

The first thing that comes to mind is 'once a cheat, always a cheat.' I understand and can feel where you're coming from but do you really want to get involved with a guy who cheated on someone that he made a commitment to? And on the flip side, he will always have the excuse to do it to you because you did it with him.


Can there be a happily ever after? Sure. I mean anything can happen. But think about it logically--what type of person are you really seeking? And if it's a person who remains true to their word, is loyal and honest, then you also have to ask yourself if you are offering the same to that person.


You don't know how you can ever trust him because you can't. He's not a trustworthy person. He shows that by his actions of cheating on his wife. And hon, I don't want to get on you but I do think you should step back and ask what type of person you're being by getting involved. I get the feeling that you have a good heart and got into a situation and got stuck. But now you have a chance and a choice. You're already out of it, so why go back in. Work on you, work on making yourself a person that you'd want to be with. And then that guy will come along...


I hope this helps and isn't too harsh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 8:06am

He likes you, he wants you back, he is saying what he thinks it is going to take to get things back to the way they were. He might be getting a divorce because his wife has had enough of his cheating ways.

Sure you can take him back. After he is legally divorced, after he has gone through a year of therapy and after he has made amends to those he has wronged.

Then you can take him back after both of you complete 6 months of couples counseling. My guess is that he won't tolerate one minute of this plan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:44am

Back in my college days I dated a Married Man that said the same thing your guy told you let me tell you he would tell me " the divorce hearings are stalled" and he would make numerous excuses " I can't leave the kids yet they need me to be married" and I dumped him its 10 yrs later and he is still married how do I know for we to have a mutal friend so could it be a happily ever after perhaps but I agree with the other 2 post think about it think about who this guy really is and go from there

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:27am

If it were me I would NEVER be able to trust him.

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