Is this harsh??
Find a Conversation
Is this harsh??
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 4:37am |
Of course, I invite anyone to reply, but I'd like to say Hi Snaf!! This is sort of a reply to her last post to me... How are you doing?
I said that he proves himself everytime because he just does the proper thing when he messes up. He doesn't even wait an entire day... he calls/comes to see me right away, apologizes and corrects himself. He doesn't really repeat his mistakes. He is really amazing. Whatever, I'm so in love with this person (lol). It's a little scary, but exciting, you know?
I'm also aware in that, I know when you're in love with someone you will tend to overlook things, but I've not done that. I have let him know when his behavior is unacceptable to me. If you let people get away with stuff, then they'll know they can treat you a certain way (i.e., like crap - ha!). In fact, have I done this *too* much? Cause now I know I've said a few times to him that when people have done x-y-z to me, I just cut them off and don't speak to them ever again. And when I say that to him, I don't mean to be mean or threatening.. just telling him how I am! Aw, now I feel bad. Should I stop saying that to him...? Am I overthinking now?
When I tell him that I cut people off this is not a lie. I really do this. I guess I say this to him to let him know that I don't put up with crap. The reason I think I feel compelled to lay this down with him is because his previous girlfriend was obsessed with him and just let him act like an ass - she forgave him everytime. I want to let him know that I am *not* her and if he acts like that with me I have no problem cutting him off *like that* (in a snap!). Is this harsh?
The day before yesterday, I called him and he just sort of blew me off. He was snapping at me and just kind of rude. He was like, um yah, I'm busy right now. Blah! What-ever! I was like oh, okay whatever then. So we hung up and I turned my phone off. The next day when I turned it on there were texts apologizing and then he called me. He was like, you turned your phone off! I was like, yah, cause I was pissed! (lol). He said sorry, he was busy with his friends. I was like, listen, I don't care if you're busy - that's ok by me! But you don't have to be an ass! Just say hey sugar, I'm doing x-y-z right now, talk to you tomorrow ok? I'm totally fine with that! I was like, next time, just be nicer about relating your busy-ness!
I said that he proves himself everytime because he just does the proper thing when he messes up. He doesn't even wait an entire day... he calls/comes to see me right away, apologizes and corrects himself. He doesn't really repeat his mistakes. He is really amazing. Whatever, I'm so in love with this person (lol). It's a little scary, but exciting, you know?
I'm also aware in that, I know when you're in love with someone you will tend to overlook things, but I've not done that. I have let him know when his behavior is unacceptable to me. If you let people get away with stuff, then they'll know they can treat you a certain way (i.e., like crap - ha!). In fact, have I done this *too* much? Cause now I know I've said a few times to him that when people have done x-y-z to me, I just cut them off and don't speak to them ever again. And when I say that to him, I don't mean to be mean or threatening.. just telling him how I am! Aw, now I feel bad. Should I stop saying that to him...? Am I overthinking now?
When I tell him that I cut people off this is not a lie. I really do this. I guess I say this to him to let him know that I don't put up with crap. The reason I think I feel compelled to lay this down with him is because his previous girlfriend was obsessed with him and just let him act like an ass - she forgave him everytime. I want to let him know that I am *not* her and if he acts like that with me I have no problem cutting him off *like that* (in a snap!). Is this harsh?
The day before yesterday, I called him and he just sort of blew me off. He was snapping at me and just kind of rude. He was like, um yah, I'm busy right now. Blah! What-ever! I was like oh, okay whatever then. So we hung up and I turned my phone off. The next day when I turned it on there were texts apologizing and then he called me. He was like, you turned your phone off! I was like, yah, cause I was pissed! (lol). He said sorry, he was busy with his friends. I was like, listen, I don't care if you're busy - that's ok by me! But you don't have to be an ass! Just say hey sugar, I'm doing x-y-z right now, talk to you tomorrow ok? I'm totally fine with that! I was like, next time, just be nicer about relating your busy-ness!

Pages
I see what you mean about showing the emotional thing. I wanted to share that with him tonight, but haven't heard from him still (!!!), and now maybe I'm glad because you're right, showing the emotional scares them off anywayz.
To me, I'm not trying to issue threats but just trying to be direct right off the bat to let him know and show that I don't put up with a-hole behavior. I dunno. I feel like I'm being tested...
"I feel like I'm being tested..." - that's not good halle...what's up?
"To me, I'm not trying to issue threats but just trying to be direct right off the bat to let him know and show that I don't put up with a-hole behavior." -- my comment about threats was not in response to you or your behavior but ... that women do that too often and then they eat humble pie because they never follow through and guy gets to keep treating them like crap.
"I guess I never realized just how defensive I was until now! It's a little disarming for me!" -- don't sweat it. Just be aware of what triggers you so you can eventually deal with the underlying emotion or events that create that defensiveness. I know that if a guy says he going to call on Thursday and he doesn't...that means that he cannot be trusted to keep his word...so eventually the relationship pans out. I would rather not be promised anything than someone's word being broken. Neither scenario is the "right" scenario,but you know what I mean.
Nope, I'm the one out-of-town visiting my family. He is in our home city. He works long hours and then has many hobbies (music and sports).
"Really, he made me feel unimportant.. he just made me feel... bad!" -- I know, I would feel the same way. Especially when you can't see him for a while longer...it hurts more.
Sometimes I think that just because we agree to date someone it means that they stop treating us nicely because they don't feel that they have to anymore...because we like them. It goes along the same lines of them getting fat and lazy. Men don't like to put much work in any relationship they have. I dont' know why they bother having them then. I edited my above post because it didn't read correctly. Sometimes guys will just hang you up and not call to say that they can't talk right now. Okay, that's TWO calls they have to make instead of one...but that is the difference between a guy and a guy who knows the language of women. Any guy who would not contact me and allow me to feel pain over it instead of letting me know he plans on contacting me...is cruel. I'm not sure I could trust someone like that with my heart. But that is one of my idiosyncracise.
LOL I'm actually having a good time. I don't allow his drama to get me down in other areas, thankfully. I am able to separate :) I don't think he's disgruntled. I think he's doing a bunch of stuff and neglecting me. I know I'm away, and I don't need to talk to him for hours or anything but how about keep in touch, jeez! Like I said, this is our first time apart so, I dunno. But even when I was there he was saying things like I needed to believe in him more, etc and we were having the issue with him blowing me off (ignoring me, not calling me to say he was too busy at work to hang out later)...
The thing is, I don't feel that guys can really plead ignorant here. Maybe if the guy is oh.. 15! LOL But beyond that, they KNOW that we want them to call, you know? Like, he knows he should've called me today but he didn't... Why? Who knows. I guess he could be thinking, well what's the big deal. But if he sees missed calls from me, he should call me back. You're right, it seems so intentional, the whole pulling away thing... Just cause they know/think we'll take it? Etc...
"Any guy who would not contact me and allow me to feel pain over it instead of letting me know he plans on contacting me...is cruel. I'm not sure I could trust someone like that with my heart. But that is one of my idiosyncracise"
I love this post by you. You're right, you know.. trusting someone with your heart is so special and such a big deal. It's one of the ultimate things. And I've been really open and honest with him. I lay everything out on the table and really have made myself vulnerable because I let him know my feelings. Now I feel like I'm being kicked.
Not cool!
Pages