Has He Forgotten Me?
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| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 3:42pm |
So as I am still in love with him, but have managed to establish NO CONTACT with him now for 2 successful weeks (I'm proud of myself for that) I am feeling very much the need to know how he is doing. If he has forgotten me and moved on without a thought about me. A friend of mine (knowing the whole story) but not having ever met my ex (he has no knowledge of her since she is an online friend I've been talking to for guidence through this all) volunteered to Instant Message my ex and sorta check in on him for me to see how he is doing and if he is at all thinking of me, seeing someone new, and his general state of being. I know I shouldn't have agreed but I have a weakeness for this guy and during a moment of weakness she caught me.
So the other night she IMs him randomly and he begins to chat with her, through a series of questions he tells her about his relationship history....a really bad break up 6 years ago and that since then he has only had short flings that never lasted very long (all of which is true and he told me about in more detail but given he doesn't know my friend its understandable to know going into details too much) and that he hadn't had a serious relationship since the 6 year old thing but that he felt ready to have a long-term relationship now. When she asked him how he could suddenly be ready for a committed long-term relationship after 6 years of fling-only relationships he just replied that he had needed time to heal but that he felt ready now. This is BS I think but....
So here's my question: Where am I in this relationship history? It seems he has forgotten me completely and yet he claimed many times that we were serious, he kept coming back in order to try again to make it work, he spent over 10 months with me most of that time we talked almost everyday, and spent sometimes 1/2 the week together every week for months when times were good and he wasn't feeling his issues. All that time, energy, commonality, togetherness, activities we did, he talked of marriage too even, is that all gone?????? I am left wondering if it ever really meant anything if I don't even get a mention in the summary of his past relationships when I know for a fact I wasn't only a "fling" to him, that I was more than that and also his friend! But he said nothing about it to my friend including after she even probed somemore into recent relationship stuff.
I am wondering if this is another aspect of his problem (committmentphobia) where he is trying to forget me all together, doesn't want to get into explaining what happened with me, or just another part of the running away process he is doing right now since it has only been 2 weeks since I last talked to him. BTW he was trying to pick up on my friend too, falsely representing himself as being ready for a long term relationship and giving up the singles life, asking her what kind of relationship she was looking for, at one point even said she sounded like they wanted the same things (long-term solid relationship)...because the last time we spoke one of his reasons was that he wasn't ready to be in a real relationship no matter who it was (ie meaning it wasn't that he didn't think it could be with me but instead that he wasn't ready for that kind of responsiblity).
Does anyone have any ideas on what is going on here????? I've been reading a lot about committmentphobic behavior and it sounds like its probably his running behavior, running to another partner so he doesn't have to think about what is going on with us or his feelings for me but I can't help but feel even more hurt that it seems he has forgotten all about me and is moving on to his next victim. While I am still dealing with trying to forget him and somedays it doesn't seem possible to just forget someone who was so important to me but I am working through the process of getting over him.
Thanks to anyone who offers some insight and doesn't flame me for giving into a little childish spying. I know I shouldn't have but its been a hard thing for me because I was so inlove with him.
I'm going to post this on a few boards so excuse the repeat if you run into it again....

I just want to let you know that I have gone through the similiar thing, but this guy from the begining called us friends but he wanted the intimancy. I thought I got passed the friends things when I met his parents and then he called me to tell me that his parents thought I was classes and that I'm already apart of the family. He seemed to be very happy when he said it. My hopes soared and then it came...Guys nights out became more frequent and then I confronted him and he said he was never going to have another commited relationship because of his ex from 3 years ago. I tried to keep a frienship going but it became too painful. I was so close and I thought I could change him but in the end I couldn't. I think guys that are this way will always be unti something slaps them in the face.So to keep playing this game ( I know from experience) is only hurting you and he can move on his merry way because he knew it was going to be that way from the begining. So my advice to you if you can cut all ties I know it's hard..it was one of the hardest things I had to do because in the end he'll never change. He hasn't forgotten you I just think that they begin to feel something and run away because they don't want to relive that 6 year old or 3 year old relationship because they think your relationship with them will turn out just as bad...and they are scared of that