Have i been used? Does he not care?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Have i been used? Does he not care?
11
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:12pm
I have been dating or going out with this guy for about a year now. I have a car and he doesn't so i do all the driving, pick him up, go shopping with him etc. Recently he just came back from holidays, being away for over a month, i missed him so bad and he missed me too. He was back a week ago today (i also picked him up from the airport), and since then i saw him twice, one of the reasons why only that because i have kids and my time is limited. Last Sunday, after my kids left for the week to be with their dad, i called and as it's routine, i was going over to his place for the night. He told not too because his guy friend was comming over, and made other lame excuses. I got mad and hung up on him. It's been 3 days since that phone call, and he has not even called me. This is really bugging me i feel like i'm in love with this guy, i'm feeling hurt and this silence is killing me..I don't know what to do. Any advice? Thanks to all that reply.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:00pm
It sounds like he is giving you the silent treatment and if he does not call by the end of the week then just let him go for yes it does sound like he was using you for your car and if he really did care about you he would resolve the issue with you at least by now not 3 days later and if he did its Ok just let it be a lesson learn and not let a guy take advantage of you like that ever again

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 5:33pm

He was gone for a month. Maybe he kind of forgot your "routine" and unfortunately made other plans. His excuses were "lame" in your mind, but how do you know that they were not the truth? He hasn't seen his friends in over a month either and you just ASSUMED that everything would fall back into the EXACT same routine as you had before he left. Is he not "allowed" to forget, make other plans or hang out with friends? Or maybe he was tired of the "routine" as you call it. He made plans and they didn't include you and when he told you that, instead of acting like an adult and saying, "I'm disappointed, but let's just get together another night this week. What works for you?" you get all pissy and hang up the phone on him and give HIM the silent treatment as well.

There was immaturity, misunderstanding and wrong-doing on both parts and it continues. YOu can either be the bigger person and not throw away a 1 year relationship over something so ridiculous and call him or you can continue to pout because he didn't drop everything to spend every moment with you when he has a right to do what he wants and be with whoever he wants too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 7:32pm
well, since you hung up on him, it would seem more appropriate if you made the first move. If he doesn't seem to care, then cut your losses early. But if you feel that he broke your routine innocently then obviously a discussion is needed to clarify.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 7:54pm
I'm confused...i feel like he only seems to want to see me when it's convenient for him...plus after i hang up on him i sent him a text message sacarsticallty wishing him an Happy 1st anniversary, which by the way he thought it was on Saturday, he didn't know it was actually Sunday. But even then after the message, i haven't heard from him. I miss him and want to see him badly, more so because i don't have my kids this week, so i have more free time, but insteadly we are just wasting it with silence...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 9:41pm
Frankly, I think you owe HIM an apology for your attitude and behavior. You hung up on him You sent him a snotty text message. Yet you EXPECT him to suck up to you? Good luck with that. He's learned a lot about your rude attitude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 6:48am

He is giving you the silent treatment and is waiting for an apology from you. If you don't wanna call him back wait for him to break down and call you. If he has a timid personality, he may call you back but it may not be this week. So its up to you.

If he had these plans set up in advance then his fault lies in not telling you as early as he could. However it is not as bad as you treating him like you did. But i understand your frustration since this seems to be a critical week. You both owe each other an apology.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 9:07am
So there, i broke down and called him last night. There was no answer. Sent him a text asking if he was still mad at me? and...no answer. I decided to call this morning, in case he was asleep last night and didn't hear the phone, but...again, no answer, and i called twice. Lastely i sent him a text message, apologizing for hanging up on him, and i told i miss him, and still no reply. Now, i'm more frustrated, and sad...maybe he just doesn't want to speak to me anymore...I don't know what else to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:45pm

Well, first, quit with the obessive texting and calling. You've made your message quite clear that you are trying to get a hold of him. It was good that you apologized too because you were in the wrong in some of this.

Another observation I want to make is that you said he was off on the anniversary by a day. Are you serious - you got picky over ONE DAY?!? Generally, guys are not into anniversaries like women are. The actual DAY to them usually means very little - they don't write it on their day planner with little hearts surrounding it. If you gave him a hard time about having the day wrong too, I don't blame him for getting a little fed up. Should he be a man and just tell you he is fed up instead of giving you the silent treatment? Yes, he should.

But in any case, just quit calling and texting him. If he is going to let it go like this after a year, you want more than that anyway. But calling and texting over and over is still not going to get him to pick up unless he wants to or perhaps out of sheer exasperation.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:01pm
Vexer...there was never an issue about the anniversary thing, neither i called him up on it. I know he never kept track of these things, and it really didn't matter to me. I have called, i have texted, and i have had no reply. I don't want to throw away one year of releationship with this guy, but he can be very rude to me, dry and distant. I always find myself, doing things for him, help him in any way possible to him, like driving him around, lending him money, taking time off from work to be with him, he's never done anything like that to me. What also bothers me is that, before he went away bought tons of gifts to take to his family, of course i took him, and he came back and not even got me a little gift, or souvenir...so basically alot of that has accumulated to being fed up to the point of hanging up on him that day. I'm not saying that was the right thing to do, but i got upset...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:21pm

I'd reread that post to vexer.

What are you getting from this relationship???

I would never be with a guy that I had to chauffer around. A man has to be self sufficient to date me. I am not a very shallow person I don't require a whole lot to date me but they have to have a job, a place of their own and their own means of getting around whether it's a car, a taxi cab or a bus pass because I'm not driving someone around all over god's creation.

You drive him around, you lend him money, you buy him things. Seems to me as though you give and give and all he does is take. What exactly are you getting from this relationship??? Sounds like he's getting a whole lot.

Stop calling him, stop texting him. You've made it clear you are anxious to talk to him and want to be with him. Step back and let the guy step up and make an effort for you for a change.

Smile,

Deirdre

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