have i lost her? can i still be her best

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
have i lost her? can i still be her best
2
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 4:33pm
We were 5 days away from being together for 5 months and she says that one day she woke up and decided she needed to be on her own for awhile. She needs to find herself,she says she still loves me and that she cares alot about me. We have been talking still and im actually getting her to start telling me things that are really hard for her to tell anyone;especially me. Im so in love with her and can't seem to let her go and now she tells me about a friend that she has known for a year and has feelings for him but don't know what they are really. Ive told her if thats the way she feels she needs to talk with him about it. All i think about is her when i wake up, at work, just sitting around. He is a truck driver,dicorced with two children;rarely at home, his wife cheated on him i reckon b/c he was away and she was vunerable and thought she would be happy with another man. Im trying to be a friend that she needs and offer advice to that sittuation b/c i don't want to see her get hurt. I just don't know if i should really accept the pain and cut all ties with her or tell her that i cannot do this anymore b/c she chose to break off what we had. I have never been so happy and in love with someone like this b4, we share everything,we always sat and talked, we work well together and just laugh and cut up all the time. I just don't know what to do about all this .
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 5:55pm
john30223...

If Pianoguy has learned ANYTHING from his extremely brief 2nd marriage....you can't keep a woman who doesn't want to be kept! If you aren't the priority...all the begging in the world won't help!

While it's very difficult to let the person who means the most to you GO AWAY....you've got to! It's admirable that you don't want to see this lady "get hurt"---but there's no such thing as 100% protection. A person could be struck by a vehicle, hit by a falling meteor or 'suddenly trashed' by a supposedly caring friend...and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO PREVENT ANY OF THESE EVENTS FROM HAPPENING!

Try to remember that the idea of a 'split'---was HERS! If your g/f was 100% sure about the relationship the two of you had...the possibility of being 'aligned' with the truck driver wouldn't have come up in the first place!

Just remember...that if you BECOME THE MAN, GIVE THIS WOMAN HER SPACE...AND SHE WANTS TO COME BACK TO YOU AT A LATER DATE...the decision to let her RE-ENTER YOUR LIFE will be 100% YOURS! And you'll know deep down inside if a "2nd chance" is something you want to share?

Just a verbal 'pat on the back' from a man who has walked in your shoes....

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 7:52pm
I'm sorry.

It's going to hurt for a while, because she dumped you for another man. No matter what your feelings for her were, she was probably just settling with you for the time being. Then this other guy was available, and BAM! she dropped you like a hot potatoe! Does this sounds like someone who really wants space and to be on her own? No, to me it sounds like a selfish brat who took advantage of a wonderful guy and dumped the first chance she got to be with someone *better*.

Sorry to sound blunt, but she has not thought about YOUR feelings one iota. If she had, she would have broken things off with you and kept her mouth shut. How did she think YOU were going to feel when she said, "well I really want to try to see if this other guy will go out with me..." She didn't, that's the problem!

You care so much about this woman and she has walked away for someone else. I wouldn't give her a second chance. If she does get together with this other guy and things don't work out, she may come running back to you- but would you really want her back knowing that she may do it again if someone else shows her attention? Do you really want to be her *fall back* guy?

I hope she DOES realize one day that she's given up such a loving and caring guy, and that when she does, you're with a woman who can appreciate you.

You deserve a woman who loves all of you and isn't waiting around for someone else. Someone who wants ONLY to be with you and sees no one else as a possibility.

I suggest that you don't talk to her for some time. Let her do what she's doing, and don't try to *be there for her*. She doesn't care, she's interested in this other guy, not you. Trying to be her friend is only going to hurt you more, because she feels compelled to tell you all about her love life without thinking of your feelings in the matter. Do you REALLY want to hear all about her and this other guy? So keep away from her for a time and maybe date some other women. In a month, give her a call to chat.

I wish you the best. Just remember, if it's hurting you, let her know. Maybe you can just say to her, "you know, I do want to be your friend, but don't be telling me about your love life."

Good luck,

Alison

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