Have I messed things up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Have I messed things up?
12
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 9:12am
I recently met someone in a professional capacity who, when we chatted, said he'd like me to help him with his English language studies. I really liked this man and wanted to see him again but in the conditions we met, it was not appropriate to make any kind of invitation or initiative.
I later wrote to his boss asking where I could send this person a thank-you letter for helping me. The boss gave me the person's postal work address.
In the meantime, I found an email address online to which i wrote but feared it might be a defunct/erroneous address as he didn't answer for several days.
To make sure, I wrote a hard copy to his work address, saying the same as I'd said in the letter (which was thanking him and also inviting him for an English lesson by means of a thank-you - the tone of the letter was friendly and polite and in no way flirtatious etc). This letter will probably reach him tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest.
In the meantime, I got an answer from the email address to which I'd written, to my surprise. He said he was pleased to hear from me and agreed with pleasure to meet me for coffee/English lesson at some mutually convenient time.
I wrote back and thanked him for answering me and explained that I'd sent a hard copy of this email, which he will receive, because he hadn't replied and I thought his email address was defunct.
Sorry to be so long-winded about this but I just hope when he gets the hard copy letter he doesn't freak and think I am being overly pushy. I explained in my reply to his email that I'd also sent a hard copy letter but he seems to log into his email very infrequently (he works in conditions where he probably only accesses his email at weekends) and may not see it before he receives the posted letter.
Question is: although I don't think I did anything wrong because I waited several days and then sent a hard copy letter just to make sure, I don't want the effect of 2 identical letters in hard copy and by email to scare him off. It wasn't meant to; and I have explained that I wanted to make sure he got the letter but men are fragile creatures and at the slightest sign of chasing they can disappear like snow in summer.
He has met me in real life but as I say, we didn't get a chance to get to know each other at all and the impression that I want to give is that I am approaching him merely in a friendly grateful way and not as a come-on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 6:48am

I hear you. It's surprising to me though that someone who knows the pain of having someone cheat on them would even consider doing it to another person. If a guy (or girl) is straying, is it up to us to make it easier? I just think there's so much deception and deceit going on in the world and I don't want to lend a hand, ya know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 12:30pm
As I said, I think if a relationship is not working then finding someone more suitable is often the reason for finally breaking up. Otherwise, the couple often stay together out of habit/fear of being alone. I stayed with my ex long after the sex/intimacy had stopped and although I tried to make it work, it takes two, and I realised that it was only a matter of time until he strayed.
In this particular case, the guy has not written again and I feel he is already history so the issue of whether or not to 'pursue' him is, as I also said, absolutely academic. I think he has decided, probably because of his gf, not to continue our acquaintanceship and I respect this. Moreover, he is much younger than me and at the beginning of his career i.e. we are at different life stages so I feel it most likely would never have worked even if he had been unattached.

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