Having an affair with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Having an affair with a married man
2
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 2:01am
I've never done this before but thought I could get some great objective advise. Here's the deal. I've been having an affair with the father of my daughter for over a year. He's married and has three kids. The oldest child is two months younger than my daughter. No, you didn't read it wrong. That's a whole other long story. Here's a little background about this situation. We started communicating with each other about three years ago beause I decided that I couldn't make it without child support anymore so I set that up. He has never complained, groused, etc. about paying the child support, even after I had it increased due to relocation from a rural community to a metro area. He has irregular contact with our daughter but really loves her, is proud of her and approves of how I have raised her. We live on the other side of the city from him and he works six to seven days a week. Shortly after we moved back to the city he would come over (sometimes with the wife and kids, sometimes not). Invariably, during the visit he would make a pass at me or make suggestive comments. This went on for quite some time and I told him I didn't think it would be a good idea to get involved. He wore me down/I got lonely and gave in, etc. I need/want to end the sexual affair but remain friends. We were good friends before I got pregnant and are now. I have no delusions that he will leave his wife. Truth is, I don't want him to leave his wife. Got any ideas on what I can do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 2:23pm
You should post on these boards:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlending

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair

You will probably get more and better advice on these boards.

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 11:17pm
Reading between the lines, please forgive me in advace for my presumption, but it sounds to me like you got in this situation by not having a great deal of self-esteem? Again, please forgive me if that offends you, and don't read any further.

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Ok, good you're still with me. I'm guessing that you've already thought about telling him that you want to end the sex, but think that he'll talk you into it again. You could try telling him that you've met someone, and you don't want to have sex with more than one person at a time. Most guys don't like to have sex with a woman who is sleeping with someone else.

But maybe he wouldn't care about that.

Then again, he doesn't care about being faithful to his wife.

And, I'd bet you guys aren't using condoms,

and I'd also bet that he has slept with other women besides you and

his wife - without condoms.

What I'm dancing around here is why would you end up in this situation?

Maybe because you don't have very good boundaries?

People who don't have good boundaries have usually been

victimized at some point in their lives.

That can affect everything in a person's life.

I would encourage you to find someone to guide you, in person, to help you with this situation.

I have some specific thoughts, that I don't feel comfortable posting on the board, feel free to email me if you want to hear them.

Good luck