Having doubts...
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| Thu, 12-16-2004 - 11:38pm |
I met my boyfriend 9 months ago. He was 5 months into being separated and divorcing from his now ex-wife. They have two children together. As we speak, they are at their son's Christmas concert together. While I think that is great that they can get along and do things like that for the sake of the kids, I find myself jealous. Both of them say they would never want to be married to eachother again, but they get along so wonderfully that it makes me unsure of things. It's just so out of the usual mode of divorced parents. Everyone I know hates their ex, me included!
Thanksgiving was the three of us and their two kids at his house. It was good, and his ex-wife and I got along great. Now for Christmas, my boyfriend and I have both been invited to his ex-wife's house to spend it with the kids. While I appreciate the offer, and really want to spend it with my boyfriend, I kind of feel like the 3rd wheel. I think it was different when we spent Thanksgiving at his house, because it was "neutral" territory. This feels really wierd to me. I feel kinda like I'm invading their family. I don't want to cancel out just because I'm feeling wierd, but I also don't want to feel like the 3rd wheel. Am I being stupid, or are these feelings valid? What should I do about it?
Kris

While I think it's great that they do get along so well, you do have a negotiate a little for some boundaries. You need to feel some security in your relationship with your boyfriend and the two of you need to spend some time alone for the holidays.
I would suggest first talking to your boyfriend and telling him that the situation is uncomfortable for you and you would like to change that. If that means that you would feel better having the dinner at his place, then you should bring that up. If that means that you would feel better not going to his ex wife's place for dinner, bring that up too. Find out if she could host a Christmas lunch with all of you and the kids so that you can all be together and open presents, but have the later part of the evening for you and your boyfriend.
Good luck,
Alison
husband married(he's a retired Air Force Major,she a Registered Nurse/QA hospitol coordinator).Phil(my cousin)was a engineer,all were educated and successful.P.S. after time all 3 became friends,as living only half hour in Florida,visited...Believe it or not when Phil got cancer,Ellie's husband became like the brother my cousin never had His name is Paul. Paul would bring great comfort to Phil,take him out on his boat,cook dinners and bring them to my cousin when he was weak. Even took him to his cancer treatments! Truly an unusual friendship formed out of divorce..So you see there are some people much like you..All I can say is if you're inbelief that his exwife is a nice person and able tto accept her as a friend..then it maybe possible
to spend holidays..However,being new in your love connecttion,perhaps have dinner with him,and desserts (or a brief visitt for the children)..Discuss this with your love..Best wishes..Bellina