Having Jealousy Issues... Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Having Jealousy Issues... Help!
1
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 6:06pm
Hi all! I need help dealing with a certain issue. I have never tended to be a jealous woman, but I find myself dealing with feelings of jealousy that I'm not crazy about, and I'm not sure if I'm just crazy for having these feelings or if I have a right to feel this way. I have a good, solid relationship of two years with a guy that I truly love, but because of our moral outlooks, we don't live together. He is in the process of moving out of his apartment, where he is the only guy in a four people apartment. He is moving because the owners of his townhouse have decided to sell. He is moving in with one of the girls who lives with him now, and this is the main reason I'm struggling. I find that I am feeling jealous when he calls me up to tell me how he and **Jane** are planning the move. I don't like listening when they discuss it, because I feel like they are building a home together. He will call when we go to the grocery store together to see if the two of them need groceries, and there are nights he tells me that he wants to stay home because his girl roommate says they haven't had "roomie nights" in too long. I know that they're not involved, but for the first time, I'm very VERY much struggling to not resent their creating a home together. I've discussed my feelings with him and he has said he would move out if that's what I needed, but I feel like this would be indulging my jealous feelings instead of resolving them. HELP! Am I crazy for feeling this way?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2004
Sat, 04-24-2004 - 1:59pm
I think your "jealousy" is an insecurity about them sharing things together that you don't share with him --- things that come across as "relationship" situations. You have to watch what you say to him about it and how often you bring it up. Instead, try to share things/situations with him that he doesn't share with this other girl. You'll have to figure out what that could be --- perhaps he shares personal things with you that he doesn't with most other people, or something like that. Then you will feel like you share a part of his life that she's not included in. Sometimes when you feel like you share a part of the guy's life that is personal and private, it takes some of the stress away from thinking about what he's sharing with her that makes you feel excluded.