he broke up with me
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| Fri, 09-08-2006 - 12:21am |
well..............he did. It came as quite a shock...to me, that is.
He came over. I knew something was wrong. He hugged me, he held my hand, and we talked. I must admit...it's the most mature and easy (easy?...well, maybe not really easy, but...) I've ever been through. Yes, I'm hurt, but what can I do? I can't change his mind.
He said he felt weird all week. Background: He asked to exclusive last Saturday....breaking things off with another woman. A woman he now feels guilty about. But he isn't sure he wants her either.
I don't know.....I really liked him. I still do. I told him I'd miss him...he said the same. He said he was sorry. I said the same. I told him I really like him...he said the same. He's just confused. Nervous. Awkward. He said....he felt strange.
I haven't cried. Yet. He did. I'm still in shock.
I miss him already.

Kudos to him for being mature about the break up and doing it in an adult fashion.
Now it is time for you to involve yourself with other activities to get your mind off of this guy. Lean on your friends and delve into some hobbies. You'll be fine in no time.
I've learned the last thing a girl needs is a confused guy. You get caught in their confusion, but turn it inward to try to figure out if there's something wrong with you. Of course there isn't. It is their confusion, and they only hung around because there is something great about you. But the mass of confusion has taken over. Don't get stuck in someone else's quick sand.
Like Chamey said, get out there and do good things for you. Make it a point to do one thing a day, even if it is lazy and costs money (like buy from our good ole buddies, Ben and Jerry, or visit the wonderful and cheap manicure salons and get a pedicure, very worth it). I was really soothed after my last break up (with a confused man, who still calls me two years later. how's that for confused?) by going to the local library and loading up on junky novels, junky DVDs and travel books.
You are great and brave!
Chick!!!
Thanks,Chick. Really. I'm having a sad morning...I miss him again (there's a whole slew of responses on the Ask Mr. Answerman board to this same post).
I liked him...and I KNOW he liked me. But maybe he likes two women. I don't know. I also think he's a bit insecuure and unsure of his future...which, of course, I don't need. I couldn't be more sure of my future. I think that's where we hit a crossroads. He just can't give any more of himself to me...."right now" he says.
I guess I have to accept it for what it is....not wait around...live my life, like I did before.
I guess I'm just sad this morning because it was only one week ago today that he called and told me I was the one he wanted to continue with relationship with......that he liked me a lot....and that he's relieved that I'd accept exclusivity with him. We were both so happy on the phone that day and had a glorious Labor Day holiday together....he didn't want to let me go (see how I'm dwelling this morning).
And then to go from that....to.....this. Not even speaking to each other. Not b/c there's hate....but b/c we need distance.
It's tough....I've talked to him every single day since Memorial Day (go figure...two summer bookend holidays)....it's just weird. I guess it's hard to understand b/c I haven't had to "break things off" with anyone for a while (they either just fizzled or whathaveyou), and so I can't imagine breaking contact with someone I enjoyed spending so much time with.
You're right. He's confused. I can't control that. It's not me. I haven't changed..he has. His mind has...his feelings, perhaps. And why do I need that?
Again, thank you for your post....it made me cry, but I'm ok now. These boards are great.
Hugs,
Bridget
Bridget, this confusion you are feeling sounds very similar to what I went through 2 years ago. I was with a man who absolutely adored me and for most of the relationship, we had such fun! But he was confused and a bit commitment-phobic. It ended when he called me up to confess that he'd gone off to Australia to meet a woman he'd been chatting with on the internet. After his confession, he asked me out. CONFUSED! I told him, nah, didn't think so and went into full no-contact mode. We speak now, but I'm not really open to him.
Do this, you need to read some stuff by Steven Carter, the world's expert on commitment-phobia. His books really helped me understand the confusing relationship pattern these people have. My ex came on very strong with me too, then broke up (actually said let's take a break) about 4 months into the whole thing. During the 1 month break, I cried and moaned and gnashed my teeth, while he dated a slew of women....so confusing.
Go to Steven's website to start. His books are listed there and he answers questions. Just keep refreshing the page to see more questions. Plus he has an archive of questions. His insight helped me a lot!
http://www.power-surge.com/asktheexperts/relations.shtml
Take care, and do something really nice for you today!
Chick
Chick:
Thanks. I've been on that website you suggested all morning. But I'm not sure if my ex is a commitmentphobe. I mean, I don't know if I know enough about him to determine that. He switch gears all of a sudden, and that seems to be a consistency with a commitmentphobe. I don't know.
It's funny. I was going through emails today (from him..I know, I need to delete them), and one was from the beginning of August and he states in the email that he gets so depressed when Fall rolls around. He said it bring him back to elementary school days (maybe he hated school when he was little?), and he didn't like that. He said he didn't like the winter...he also said he was more of a "glass-half-empty-kind-of-guy," which I suppose should've been a red flag. Sounds depressed, doesn't he? Like Seasonal Affective Disorder?
I don't know. I guess I should've seen this coming. That and it's the 3-month mark.
I really liked him...I still do. Ugh. Sucks.
Oh, and by the way, he tried to talk to me on Saturday night (he was drunk) and I avoided it. And then he tried to talk to me again on my way out.
Ahhhhh.