He broke up with me but is hanging arou

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
He broke up with me but is hanging arou
1
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 4:58pm
About a month ago, during the midst of a stressful time for both of us, my boyfriend of 16 months broke up with me and said he wanted to be just friends.

Since then we have talked and he says he has "hope for the relationship" because he still really cares for me and loves me.

I am really confused with this. How can you feel that way and still break up with someone? I am trying to just give space to the situation but it is so confusing and hurtful.

On one hand I want to have "hope" too. He continues to do favors for me (big and small). I usually don't ask, he just offers. Once he said he was trying to rediscover those things that made him fall in love with me in the first place. I guess "Re-establish the friendship". Once he even said that he "knows its not over" that he just needs time.

I mean we are good friends. So I am trying to be there as a friend. Nothing more has happened between as far as physically or anything.

I am just confused. When I ask him if it is just about him needing time, he doesn't want to saying anything concrete.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 11:39pm
May I ask a question - During this stressful time did you find that you and he wanted and needed very different things? Would it be fair to say that you had differing agendas?

I had a breakup a few months ago and I know it was all about agendas. I loved and cared for the woman a lot and still care about her today. I was unable to give her what she really wanted in the time frame she wanted. It was better to let the relationship go so that she can pursue what she really wants out of life since I am unable to meet her current agenda. This does not change the fact that I care for her and if she really needed a favor I would do it.

Relationships require responsibility and obligation. Perhaps he was unable to live up to the level of responsibility, obligation, wants, needs and expectations. I know this isn't a direct answer to your post but I feel it may give you some food for thought.