he cant commit....??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
he cant commit....??
5
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:35pm
I was going out with this guy for about 10 months...and it was off and on for a few months after that....and that was in Feb. - its now August...

Were still "together" - he broke up with me so were not going out...

but its like were not broken up....like..friends with benefits basically...

and when we hang out- its just like were going out...and we have such a good time n it makes me think that hes actually gonna really go out with me.

i cant get over him....no matter how hard i try..

is it because we spend so much time together still?

i dont know....

i love being with him.. but sometimes he does things like blow me off...and doesnt bother to call me - and then a week later he'll call and ask if i want to see him - and i always give in and forget about what he's done..

Its just basically one big circle....and he tells me he lvoes me still....but i dont know if hes just saying that....because sometimes i just feel used...and i feel like he doesnt care about me.

i dont know what to do..because i talk to other guys- just as friends...and i kno this realyl sweet guy- who i kno woud treat me good and everything....but im stuck in this situation with my ex...thats just hard to get out of...

and theres no way i can be with anyone else..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 2:27pm
Any progress? I find myself in exactly the same situation. We had a "talk" and then went out again, then nothing. After 2 weeks, he just called. Now, I'm waiting for a call back. What to do? What to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 3:27pm
Well, I can tell you that you will never get over him until you cut him off completely. What I'm reading is that you're giving in to him in the hopes that he'll see the light and want a relationship with you, and he's just using you for sex. YOU are in charge of your life and YOU are in charge of how you allow others to treat you. This guy will probably never want to be committed to you, but the way it is now works for him- he gets the physical without the responsibility. Now think honestly, is this what YOU want? And what would happen if A) he finds someone else or B) he got you pregnant?

You say you know this other guy who you think would treat you right, so why aren't you talking to HIM? Stop answering this ex's calls, don't be there for the booty, and tell him you're on your way out if he stops by. Quit waiting and hoping and looking for something that's not there. He's not going to change how things are because it works for him, so find something that works for YOU.

Try this other guy out, go and have fun!

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 6:10am
Alison- I totally agree with you. I've been in this situation (& stayed in it for 2.5 years!!!) so trust me girls- no matter how great this guy is, or how long you'll wait for him to come around, he won't commit to you.

& the longer you wait, the harder it would be to let go.

The only way to get yourselves out of this, is to stop seeing him entirely untill you're over him & into someone else. once you're into someone else, you'll see that this guy wasn't that great after all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 10:48am
lovinyou, you have been given good advice here, and I know for a fact you will not follow it. What will most likely happen (I should know!!) is you will remain in this awful situation until HE finally dumps you. Then you will be forced to do what you should be doing right now: get out there! There is a big wide world out there filled with decent human beings who would appreciate your company. You say you have a nice guy waiting in the wings. Well, duh!!!

You will be faced with many, many hard decisions throughout your life. Your hard decision du jour: it is inevitable that the two of you are not going to make it, do you want this to be his choice or yours?

Words seem so much harsher in print. Believe me, I am on your side and wish you only happiness.

amjay45

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 11:46am

You're not giving yourself a chance, hon.

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