He can´t decide

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
He can´t decide
5
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 1:20pm
Hello!

My best friend he is also my boyfriend, and we love each other. I´m 19 and he´s 35. He has another girlfriend, with a small child from him.He says, according to him, that he loves me way way more than her and he wants to marry me. He doesn´t sleep with her since 2 years, because of the baby the mom gets no lust. Why won´t he decide, even though he loves me more? Will he eventually? How long should I accept this situation? Please tell me an answer! Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 1:38pm
mwanamwana...

The answer to your question is very simple. Your b/f is also the father of another woman's child. And whether or not all his lust is in your direction, the man has a responsibility for the baby he created with his earlier girlfriend!

Ask yourself this...if the man got YOU pregnant...would you like to be in a similar situation? And before you say...HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME...consider the fact that he could find someone else...and "fall out of lust" with you too?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 2:22pm
I'm looking at it from a slightly different angle than the previous post.You are 19!! He is 35 with a baby! Sure, he's interested in you, you are fun, you're young, you make him feel young and when he is with you he probably forgets about his troubles , including the baby! in 5 years, he's going to be 40, and you...only 24! At 40, he'd want to have kids, settle down, build a career, wont feel like going out a lot maybe..and..you..again..will be only 24! I've been there, done that! After a while, the age difference doesnt seem all that exciting, not from your side at least! .....

Something else comes to mind, he has a child with a woman he didnt want to marry, which is somewhat irresponsible, right? You have way better opportunities out there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 2:37pm
Wow thanx for so fast answers! I typed wrong his age is 34, my mistake, but it doesn´t matter. He is responsible, he visits the kid every day and helps the mom with work. He goes there for the work and the kid. He lives not with her.I actually want kids after school, my own wish. You are right, the age diff. matters, he is scared I might not find him atractive when he gets grey hair. I dont know yet what I will think then.He is my best friend, we are both driven to action, we love to do the same things. Should we marry?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 3:18pm
I really hate to burst your bubble, but you need to take a long, hard look at why a 34 year old would be with a 19 year old. I'm sure you are a wonderful woman, but I'd be willing to bet you a reasonably large sum of money that a big part of why he's with you is because you are young and inexperienced with relationships, so you're more likely than someone who is older and more savvy to go along with what he tells you. His lines about his gf are the same ones all cheaters give the other woman.

As for whether you should marry him, um, NO. He's a cheater. Nuff said.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 4:24pm

Hello mwanamwana!