Is he cheap?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Is he cheap?
6
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 5:05pm
So, I met this guy last week and we clicked immediately. He is probably one of the nicest guys that I have met in a very long time. We had a lot to talk about and he was just sweet the entire time. The thing is, I'm not dating for the "fun of dating." The person who I'm with I want to be the one who I marry. So, when I asked this guy what he did, he said, "I work at a technology consulting firm, but not on the tech side. I work on the businss side and try to generate new clients for the firm." And, that's the end of his talk about work. I've tried to get more information saying things like "I don't really understand what you do..." in emails, but am getting no response. So, I guess I have two questions -- would you date someone who makes very little? Again, I don't want him to buy things for me ... I just want my children to have a certain lifestyle and don't really want to settle. The second question is that for our second date, he suggested a picnic in the park with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... is that an indicator of a cheap guy?
I really do like him though...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
In reply to: nycgrll
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 8:11pm
Your jumping waaaaaaay to fast to be worried about his employement. You just met him last week. You really need to slow down, and enjoy his company. If you two begin to date and spend more time with one another, then all your answers will be answered. Just chill, and relax, and enjoy what you have with him. Your going to ruin something before it even starts. Take care, and please slow down honey, you will scare men away if you begin to analyze too early in the dating game.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
In reply to: nycgrll
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 9:08pm

You're worried about your children having a "certain lifestyle"...do you have children already? Or are you wondering about children you don't have yet (just confused here)?

Also, you don't know what the future will bring....this guy might make 6 figures but wants to make sure you're into him, not his money. Or you could marry a guy whose job earns him a lot...only to have him later quit, and pursue a less-lucrative career that he loves.

Hope all goes well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
In reply to: nycgrll
Thu, 07-20-2006 - 11:31pm

Wow! Talk about making negative assumptions! I'm not even gonna go there on the job/salary comment. I find it kinda insulting actually.

As for the picnic with sandwiches, could be entirely possible he was thinking of something light-hearted and fun to do? Picnics aren't generally champagne and caviar.

There's no way to determine if he's 'cheap' based on what you've said. However, it doesn't present you in the best light.

Shaking my head....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: nycgrll
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 7:29am
My response is what are YOU doing to make sure your children (or future children) have a "certain lifestyle"? WHat are YOUR qualifications? What is YOUR education and income? I learned at an early age that a woman with no job skills or education ends up marrying whatever man is willing to take on the burden of supporting her. Another thing to think about is that even if you marry a millionaire he could lose his fortune or divorce you and run off to Argentina with his secretary & all the money. As far as the peanut butter in the park thing - well, no man should ask a woman to eat in a park in the middle of a blazing hot summer. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
In reply to: nycgrll
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 7:40am

I dont mean to be harsh but if this is your attitude, I'd be surprised if he came back for another date so worrying about what sort of lifestyle he will give you and your future children, its neither here nor there.

Regarding not discussing what exactly he does for a living, well he might not be interested in talking about his job, I know im not. Im only now, after a year, finding out exactly what my boyfriends work entails. Its just a small part of him and there are much more intersting things to talk about afterall, especially in the very beginning.

I'd date a man who earned very little if he behaved the way you said he did on your date. Love and caring and understanding and honesty are much more important to me than the size of a man's wallet. Afterall, Im a grown woman and make my own money. As much as my boyfriend spends money on me etc, Im also someone who will take him out to dinner and buy him a small gift when I feel like it. I dont expect him to look after me all the time and wouldnt want him to either.

As for the picnic in the park - I think that sounds lovely. I would love a man to do that for me when we first started dating instead of the usual grand gestures such as a posh meal etc. It shows he is fun, different, not following the pack etc. I love nothing better now than making a few sandwiches, grabbing a bottle of wine and heading out for a picnic with my partner. Its romantic and always lots of fun.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: nycgrll
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 7:02pm

A picnic is actually something sweet. No way to tell if he's romantic or cheap at this stage. You just met the guy - if you push too hard to get his dossier at this early stage he might run for the hills.

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