He Cheated in the Past
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He Cheated in the Past
| Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:08pm |
I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months, and have known him for 5 years. He's 32, I'm 30. In the past couple months, things have been getting more serious with us, and in the process he's opened up to me about his past. He cheated on his last girlfriend, in the form of numerous one-night stands. Their 4-year relationship was not happy: she emotionally fragile, leaving him feeling trapped. On weekends he plays in a rock band, making opportunities plentiful. For the final year of their relationship, he did stop cheating and stayed monogamous. He has tested free of STDs.
This guy is practically perfect otherwise: very nice, well-mannered, sensitive, great family, good cook, has his own house & business, is wonderful with kids, excellent communicator, not shy about getting married and having a family. He told me it makes him want to throw up, thinking about the cheating he did for that brief period of time. What worries me is that he also said he "thinks" he can keep himself from falling into that pattern again, and he wants to really, really try. I don't know if I should take the chance... I'm in love with him but so scared!!!
Edited 12/5/2004 10:14 pm ET ET by singer74
This guy is practically perfect otherwise: very nice, well-mannered, sensitive, great family, good cook, has his own house & business, is wonderful with kids, excellent communicator, not shy about getting married and having a family. He told me it makes him want to throw up, thinking about the cheating he did for that brief period of time. What worries me is that he also said he "thinks" he can keep himself from falling into that pattern again, and he wants to really, really try. I don't know if I should take the chance... I'm in love with him but so scared!!!
Edited 12/5/2004 10:14 pm ET ET by singer74



What has he done to change the underlying values that told him cheating was ok because he "felt trapped"? A person who truly values monogamy and fidelity will fix the r'ship or end it; they won't cheat. It simply wouldn't be an option.
That would be the major question I would want to have fully resolved before I got serious with someone who had cheated in the past. Does he recognize that his choice to cheat was his and his alone? Does he admit he was wrong to make that choice? The fact that he's told you he cheated because he felt trapped would indicate that he has not taken full responsibility for the choice he made, and that would lead me to wonder if his underlying values and morals have really changed or not.
Sheri