Is he cheating?
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| Sun, 10-30-2005 - 6:38am |
I have been dating a nice guy for about 2 months and everything was going well until yesterday. We have been seen or talking on the phone everyday for me was to early to get attached to this guy but he was new to the city he is alone and he is going to the worst divorce battle. As a reason, I am supporting him emotionally,and physically in anyways. He said, he is affraid because I am to perfect internally but not physically. About 3weeks to the relationship we agreed to turn of the profiles. Now that I found out he is back in the web-site. Yesterday told me he is going to see his brother out of town I am really suspicous because when I called him on his cell last night he didn't answer it or return my phone call. Is it time to break up or wait and see? I just can't believe it I met his parents about two weeks ago and he is telling me over and over that he is falling for me I don't know if he is going to lie do me. Any advice will be great.
Rube.

He said you were perfect internally, but not physically?? Why would you want to be with someone who said that??
If he's in the middle of a divorce, he has a lot of issues going on. I'd strongly suggest dating someone who is emotionally healthy and who thinks your physical is great!
I thank you for your advice. I didn't really care when he said physical thing because I believe I am beautiful and he wants his date with make up which is I don't use very much. That is his opinion and we talked about it he said he will get use to it.
The thing is,is something behind to it? He didn't go to his brother I saw his car in his garage just this morning. Maybe he wants to think about everything. He is back in to the web-site dating that is what is bothering me. I do love him very much. Not to many people found how nice, caring or kind I was but he did. So do his father. I want to call him or go and talk to him why he lied to me but I don't want to look needy or something else. What can I do?
Rube
I don't care what this guy is up to. If, inside of 2 months of dating, this guy has the nerve to tell you that you are imperfect physically, then you need to dump him immediately.
Also, stay away from men who have copious amounts of baggage.
Ok, here's the deal as I see it. You can choose to focus on the situational details of your relationship (that he's back online and you think he's lying) or choose to look at the "big picture."
The benefit of looking at the big picture is that, within the big picture is the where the 'problem' is ... that's the source. Within the situational details is where we find the 'symptoms' that result from the source of the problem. By focusing on the symptoms, what we DO NOT accomplish is solving the actual problem.
You said <>
That's the "big picture" ... he's going thru a nasty divorce. Not to mention that he's new to the city and is probably a little lonely. While it's 'nice' to support someone who's new in town, the fact that he's going still going thru a divorce (and a bad one, at that) is what is making him NOT available. Not to you, or anyone. He needs to tend to rebuilding HIS life before he can align with anyone in a truly healthy way. Anyone can align with someone else out of lonliness or need for support. But, that doesn't make that person a good candidate for a healthy relationship.
I adopted a very simple theory: choose to align with people who are NOT "under construction." However, you must also not be 'under construction' yourself. That means knowing who you are, what you want and the type of person you want to be with.
<>
That is just a symptom of the 'big picture.' More than likely, his a) newness to the city and b) pending divorce status is going to put him a place of wanting to fill some voids ... only the voids he needs to fill are only going to be filled if and when he realizes that no one OUTSIDE of himself can fill those voids ... he needs to focus on rebuidling his life, getting thru his divorce ... and if and when he's "healed" from that, THEN ... he will be ready for a relationship. He may be saying and doing things that say "relationship" ... such as meeting his parents ... but, it's doubtful that he's in a clear place in regard to his intentions. In the interim, most likely, if you choose to continue "supporting him" ... best you can hope for from him is that you can be a friend, companion, date, sex buddy, whatever ... but, he's more than likely not in a "relationship place" yet, ok? He's not yet divorced ... his past is not yet behind him ... which, in terms of what lies ahead, makes him a pretty unlikely candidate for a relationship that has the potential to grow, at this point.
Good luck.
Not that I am medically trained, but based on what you are telling me, this “nice guy” is in dire need of a surgical procedure. One that that involves your foot (preferably in spike heels) and his backside (preferably with no anesthesia). Why on earth would you want to wait around for a man that has gone back on his word? One major ingredient to any successful relationship is trust and based on his behavior, this man should could not be trusted to water a houseplant, let alone with your affections. If he did want to start seeing other people again, he should have giving you the courtesy of discussing with you BEFORE he put his profile back up online. That way at least you could make the decision to keep dating him as well as others or just end it. If you stay and “wait and see” you are going to damage your self esteem and no relationship is worth that. Move on and focus your energies to finding someone that is happy just to date you and not a cast of thousands.
Love yourself,
Miss Fabulous
www.askmissfabulous.com
IMO it doesn't really matter if he is actually cheating or not because he broke his word about taking his profile down. I would have a very hard time being with a man who did that.
Are you really ok being with someone who does not honor his word?
And this is the guy who criticizes your looks also, right?
Who needs that BS???
Sheri
The guy may be nice but he's going thru a messy divorce and he said you're not his type physically! And he lied to you about the profile. So those are serious things to beware of before you get sucked in too deep