Is he a "control freak"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Is he a "control freak"?
2
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 8:36pm

Hi everyone,

I will make this as short as possible......

I met this guy who I think is someone I would like to date and have a longterm relationship with. We met at a social networking event. We seemed to hit it off right away and we were both drawn to each other, which surprised me. Here's the deal..... he told me his work requires that he travel often and he is home most weekends, which is fine by me. We have spent 4 or 5 weekends doing fun stuff and really enjoying activities and events. We also visited his best buddy who he wanted me to meet and spent a fabulous day hiking and dinner etc.

He had been telling me often that I should be carefull about discussing ''us" with some other members of our network group as it has been known that in the past a few good relationships have been ruined by a lot of bickering and jealousy. I told him that I am a prety private person and that I am not in the habit of discussing persssonal matters with others. Long story short...he had to travel out again for work and had to visit family to take care of family biz,etc. He introduced his bro and nephew to me over the phone etc and we seemed to be doing just fine. Last weekend he texted me while I had friends (a couple with their kids) visiting me and I texted him that my friends boyfriend does the same kind of job he does but for a different company and that my friend's bf said his company was way better ( this was friendly competion about work ), to which he got really angry and texted me random unrelated stuff and basically accused me of screwing around! Needless to say, I was totally taken aback , upset and hurt. I did tell him that he was out of line here and not to make baseless asumptions and not to sully my relationship with my friends by accusing me of such bs.

He initiate all the conversations either via, text, phone calls or emails and keeps repeating the same accusations and such but keeps saying he really thought we had something special and that he is really dissapointed etc. Well, I called his bluff and told him that he has trust issues and or he just doesnt want to see me again but wont say so but rather pick a fight to make me go away. FYI, he is 50+ yrs and I'm a young 46. :(

I'm not sure what to do or say, wish we could sort this out, if only he were to be open to a real conversation. But then again , am I wasting my time beating a dead horse( nothing against horses here) and is he a control freak?

Ladies and gentlemen, your insights would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 06-23-2013 - 8:46pm

I don't think I"d describe him as a control freak, I'd describe him as someone who definitely has issues, though.  His reaction is grossly unreasonable for the sitatuion where you did nothing wrong.  You look at this objectively.  You told your guy that your friend's BF does a similar kind of work and his reaction was "you must be screwing around with this guy."  Is that basically what happened?  He doesn't seem to be upset that the friend's BF said his company is better but even that would be immature.  How did he get from A to B?  Especially because you told him that this guy is your friend's BF.  I have to say it reminds me of the kind of thing that my exH, who has bipolar disorder, would pull.  I would think  everything was going along smoothly and then he would overreact to something in a way that was so confusing to me that I would feel like I had to make things up to him even when I had done nothing wrong.  Based on that experience, I would say that you should just break up with him and tell him to stop bothering you.  Why should you put up with someone criticizing you when you have done nothing wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 12:18am

You are right, I was so confused by this bizare behaviour which is not normal,at least in my opinion , I did feel like I had to appologize, but caught myself in time. I am confident that I did not do anything wrong and see no need to appologize. Oh well!

Thanks for your take on this.