he didn't pay on the first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
he didn't pay on the first date
25
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 3:41pm

Hi all ... last night I went on a first date with a guy I met online who I've had pretty good vibes about. We had a couple of phone conversations, one great, one just so-so, but I was still interested. He asked me to go for coffee, and because we had a hard time coming up with a coffee place that was near either of us, we decided on dinner (at an inexpensively priced place). The date seemed to be going well, I was liking him, feeling it was promising. Then the check came. It sat on the table for a while while we talked; then at some point he kind of reached toward it and then took

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:22pm

I think that if you offer to pay your half, then you need to be ok with the guy accepting your offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:26pm

eeeeehhhhh!!! awkward! i too am the old-fashioned type...the man is the man and should pay the first time. after that, no problem chipping in, or getting the whole check.

did you ask to meet in person? or did he. i'm so confused about the whole new rules of the dating world! i think i am still back in the 50's! lol i think it says alot about the character, or lack thereof with a man to not pay the first date....

well, i was no help or any advice. :) but i would feel the EXACT same way!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 5:33pm

Sheri, thanks for your response. I see what you're saying, but I think it would have been so easy for him to say, "Oh, I got it" when I offered to pay my half. (This is what has

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 5:37pm

Jcountrygirl, he was the one who asked me to meet in person. I have been feeling he's been "pursuing" me thus far, and he clearly wanted to see me again after the date. I agree with you, I feel that it says something about a man's character and generosity of spirit when he wants to pay on the first date. Thanks for your response!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 6:37pm
If he was the one who asked you out, then he pays.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 7:29pm

Yes, many guys will say that and that's great when it happens, but to EXPECT that response to your offer isn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 8:18am

I agree with northwestwander..if you offered, then you have to accept.


I know it is a weird situation and I tiotally agree with you about having and expecting guys to pay at least on the first couple of dates and then offereing to be kind, but remeber this is 2007.....soomaybe since he ASKED you out again on a second date, go and then this time only offer to pay the tip?????That way you are still being kind and still showing interest.I am a firm beleiver in courting even in this day and current age, but I also feel as an independent single gal that if I totally take control of a date then I might as well be expected to pay.


Guys are weird, we know this so give him the benefit of the doubt and nother chance and then make your final call.


best of luck to you


B

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 9:56am
I don't like the way he let the check hang there for so long as if waiting for you to take it.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 10-06-2007 - 1:20pm

Thanks all for your responses. Honestly, I haven't had something like this happen on a date since I was in college, so I was just surprised by it.


He did let the check sit there for an uncomfortably long time, and acted weird about paying once he did grab it. That was what bothered me most, even more than him accepting my offer to pay. It was like he was waiting for me to take it. But the nervousness of a first date can bring out confusion in both people, so I'm not writing him off completely but I'm definitely wary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 1:23am
The first date is a time to leave a good impression: he left a cheap man impression. I go by the following: a cheap man on a first date is a cheap man on a second and thrird dates. He'll be a cheap date and a cheap husband.

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