he didn't pay on the first date

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
he didn't pay on the first date
25
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 3:41pm

Hi all ... last night I went on a first date with a guy I met online who I've had pretty good vibes about. We had a couple of phone conversations, one great, one just so-so, but I was still interested. He asked me to go for coffee, and because we had a hard time coming up with a coffee place that was near either of us, we decided on dinner (at an inexpensively priced place). The date seemed to be going well, I was liking him, feeling it was promising. Then the check came. It sat on the table for a while while we talked; then at some point he kind of reached toward it and then took

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 2:06am

If he asked you to meet, he should have payed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 2:38pm

Thanks for your response. Yes, he did leave a cheap impression unfortunately and I agree that it doesn't bode well. Grrr.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sun, 10-07-2007 - 3:26pm

Thanks for your response, I'm glad to get a guy's perspective on this. I guess I've been lucky -- almost all the guys I've dated seemed to think the way you do about paying on the first date -- that's why I was surprised by this!


You make a good point about money matters -- I know it's a heavy thing for guys and like you say he may have suggested coffee because it was really all he could afford right now. I'm inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt because things did go pretty well otherwise. We'll see. Thanks for your thoughtful response.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 3:05pm

An update: I did go on a second date with this guy. He called and asked if I wanted to do something. Wondering if money might be an issue for him, I suggested coffee. When I got to the cafe where we met, he was already sitting at a table drinking a latte. He did not offer to get me anything. I was surprised, to say the least, but decided to make the best of it and went and got my own coffee. We ended up having a really good conversation, but I was nagged by his getting-his-own-coffee-before-I-even-got-there behavior.


Thoughts?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 3:56pm

hey, it's the old-fashioned girl again. this guy is a jerk! does he not have ANY manners? i guess it's up to you to decide what to do, but you've given him two different chances!! i think this time he acted worse than he did the first time!!

i have a hard time beleiving that this guy doesn't know EXACTLY what he is doing! i personally think you could do alot better!! for starters, he could of waited for you to get there. secondly, he could of OFFERED to order one for you. but then he LET you get up and go get your own??? nope. i don't care how good of a conversationalist he is, it doesn't make up for his self-absorption and tight-wad, chauvinistic attitude...just think how he would be if it was REALLY financially important!!

hope you can decide what YOU want and can tolerate!!! :) jamie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 6:25pm

I would call this one a bust. After reading about the first date I figured there were some plausible reasons for his actions with the check. I even agreed with most that since you offered to pay half, you shouldn't judge him for accepting.

But now with the second date....It sounds like he just maybe cheap or even worse, doesn't really care about women. Not that the money makes it seem that way, just his behavior, getting a coffee before you arrive.




Edited 10/13/2007 6:25 pm ET by jm-lg
LG
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:49pm

Thanks for responding again! I agree, I think this behavior seemed even

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 8:53pm

Yeah, I was hoping there was a plausible reason for his not paying for the first date. But after thinking this over I think you may have something about

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 10:43pm

I haven't read all the replies so this may be redundant and you may get different answers.


A date is a date - not dutch, unless that is agreed upon prior. Dating is about being treated as special - the man showing you he thinks you are special and you allowing him to do so. When you pull out your wallet with the hopes that he will tell you no anyway, you have already shown him that you don't want to be treated. That is what 'dating' is - being 'treated'.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 11:42pm

Thanks for your reply. I disagree with what you're saying, though. This guy was clearly uncomfortable about paying, it wasn't about me not "requiring" him to pay for me.