He doesn't call much is that a bad sign?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
He doesn't call much is that a bad sign?
10
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 6:13pm

I have been seeing this since June(with a little break). We don't really talk on the phone much, is that a bad thing? He calls or I call to set up a date to see a movie, dinner or to get a drink,etc. Then I may not hear from him until the following week. He called me all the time in the beginning, we actually started talking on the phone in May and then we out in June.

1. Is that a bad sign that we only talk on the phone to set up a date. I know he likes me and has a good time, but does that mean he not into me that much?.
2. Can I iniate talking on the phone more without being annoying(don't want him to think why is she calling me again). He works a lot and when I call I go to his vm 90% of the time, but he does call back. Because of my work when he calls he usually has to leave a vm, but we can talk at night. I am not big about talking on the phone. I would just like to hear how his day went and shoot the breeze for a few minutes and then were done. I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO HIM EVERYDAY!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 2:17am

another Jen LOL I am almost in the same boat as you. He never calls as much as he should but I wind up calling him. I don't think it's a bad sign yet. Although, The book If He's not into says if he doesn't call you it means you aren't on his mind or the guy is an a-hole. If he still wants to go out with you it's a plus if he doesn't and makes up excuses I would definitely take it as a bad sign and consider dumping his butt. Maybe he's a shy guy or he is just plain busy. Guys are stupid let's face it. They only think with their D*** and they are clueless with a woman's feelings. It sucks I know believe me but it's the honest to god's truth. I saw a funny shirt once and it's so true....... The stupid factory where boys are made. It's funny because Men can be boys at times they act so stupid! Seriously, like I said as long as he still wants to go out with you it definitely seems like he's still interested but........ If he doesn't and makes up lame excuses then by all means consider dumping him because if he makes up excuses now imagine what it will be like 10 years down the road. Hope this advice helps! From one Jen to another

:)
Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 9:15am

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Please, let's take it easy with the generalizations. Not only are they not correct, we have to keep in mind that this board is a mixed one and generalizations can be very offensive.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 9:36am
Hey Jen! Its Jen! I know he is interested, we do go out once or twice a week. He or I will call each other to do somthing. He has never backed out, yet. He seems to be a pretty thoughtful guy. I just would like to hear from him a couple of times a week. I feel if we talk a couple times a week(just to shoot the breeze for five or ten minutes), it would makes us a closer. I could be wrong.
Thanks
Jen
Ps. I really don't like that book "He is not that into you." I feel every person is different in their dating style. Some people may be big on the calling thing and others are not really into talking on the phone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:06am
Of course there's nothing wrong with it, if you are happy and fulfilled with the kind of relationship you have, whatever it may be. The thing is, you are posting about it so maybe you're not 100% ok with it. How does he act when you are around one another? Does he make the same effort you do? Are you getting what you need from the relationship? Is it growing or changing or staying the same?
Maybe there's more to your question than just phone calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:30am
Wow! Your Good. Ok, I am not fine with not hearing from him. We always have agood time together and always have amazing conversations. He has told me he always has an awesome time with me. He calls me to do stuff and I have no problem with calling him. I feel we are comfortable eith each other. I sometimes feel I am not getting what I need. I want to spend more time with him.It kind of bothers me that we never really do things on saturdays and sundays. He sometimes goes home to visit his dad and brothers. There ws this one time I ran into him and an ex girlfriend from his home town. When he says he is going home, I KNOW he is seeing her. I think things are growing very slowly. Maybe a little too slow, for me. I think he is spending time with a couple of other women and that bothers me. I understand we are not b/f &g/f and he and I can see other people. I am not seeing anyone else. Maybe i should.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 11:51am
Ahhh, so now we have the important details... this guy is not available, any way you look at it. Number one, he's still seeing his ex, a LOT. He's not attempting to hide this from you so that leads me to believe he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. Number two, he only sees you when it's convenient for him. This is a good sign that he's not looking for a serious relationship with you because if he were, you'd come before the family visits once in a while and definitely before the ex! And, number three, (the most important of all) the two of you don't feel the same about each other. You want more and he doesn't... he'd act like it if he did. We all have a list of "criteria" we'd like in a mate and first on every list should be that the guy has to like you.
I know it's tough to realize you're not on the same page but be glad you can do it before you have more feelings and feel more attached. Be friends if you like but as of now, this does not sound like a promising romantic relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 2:23pm
I am not for sure if he sees her a lot. I know that night I ran into them, I was so upset I told him how I felt. He came to me three times to talk to me that night. Maybe he felt bad that he got caught. I figured that we woudld never go out again so I felt like telling him how I felt.The conversation was pretty intense, maybe he just didn't realize how much I liked him.He was given some major eye contact After that a friend saw him and her together and she was all over him and he looked annoyed and was pushing her off. He calls a couple days later and then a couple days after that. In the meantime, upset I mail him a letter, saying exactly what I said to him on that sat.I told him in persont to expect a letter because I thought he would never go out with me. I for sure thought he would never contact me again, but he still calls to do stuff with me. Do you think that he may have realized that he likes me as much as I like him? I really want to be with him. I just don't not get it he tells me what a great time he has with me. After being told verbally and by letter how I felt about him, why would he still want to see me if he didn't like me. if he doesn't like me why would he toy with my feelings, by still going out with me. I thought about saying to him, we have been seeing each other for awhile and I want to know how you feel me and where do you see us going? I figured i should wait, but maybe I should not.
Thanks
Jennifer (I KNOW I AM TRYING TOO HOLD ON TO HIM.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 10-10-2005 - 2:47pm

Jen, dear, I know this is difficult but I promise you, if this were the right guy at the right time, it wouldn't be this hard. You wouldn't be doing all this guessing, you wouldn't be stressed about it and you wouldn't have the doubts that you do.

You asked why he would toy with your feelings if he didn't like you? You know the answer to this... he wouldn't. He would want you to think positive things about him, not be hurt and confused.

It's up to you if you want to ask him where things are going... but deep down (or maybe not so deep) I think you already know. It takes more courage to let yourself see that than it does to keep trying for something that isn't there. You can do it because you deserve better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 8:44am
lesleylou,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to give me advise. You don't know how much that means to me. I know that I definetly deserve better. When you are with someone you should not feel stressed out and have doubts about the person you are with.
Thank You,
jennifer
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 8:55am
Anytime. Us girls have to look out for each other :-)