He doesn't get it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
He doesn't get it
2
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 2:16pm
I have been seeing this guy for 5 months now, long distance, and he's a really great guy. The thing is though that I don't want to see him anymore and I don't know how to break it to him because I know he really likes me alot. A month before I met him I had just broken up with my ex of 4 years and I guess I just haven't given myself enough time to heal from it before I met someone new. And I find myself feeling trapped and smothered and uncomfortable around him, even though we only see eachother on the weekends and little things about him are getting on my nerves and I don't want to feel like that. I thought it would be ok since we live an hour apart but its not. Last week, I grew some balls, and talked to him about how I need space and Im still hurt from my last relationship and prolly shouldn't be in another one...and you know what he says...he was like as long as you don't say you don't want to see me anymore! What do I?? He's just not getting the hint...I think he just doesn't want to. I blow him off and don't return his calls sometimes but then I feel bad and do the next day with some lame excuse. But like I said he is really super nice and great and I don't know how to tell him BUH BYE without hurting his feelings (and my own). Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 3:53pm

It sucks that you are going to hurt his feelings, but you need to look out for yourself and if you are not ready to be in a relationship, then you need to tell him ASAP. Take it all on you (because it is your issue) and just tell him that you thought you were ready for a relationship but the more it goes on, you know you aren't. Emphasize that you don't want to hurt him but that you know that you would be hurting him worse if you stay in a relationship that you know is not good for you right now. Make sure he knows that it really is a situation of "it's not you, it's me".

As I have seen others post out here before, you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings except your own. Yes, you will hurt him, but it sounds like he is more in this than you are by far and you owe it to him to let him go before he gets hurt even more down the line. Good luck!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 12:15pm
That is really great advice, thank you!