is he gun shy!?!?!?!?
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is he gun shy!?!?!?!?
| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:27pm |
i am 32 divorced with 1 six yr old son. i am dating a 31 divorced no kids man for 5 months. the last 2 relationships he was in were with younger women who hurt him quite a bit and has told me that it was hard for him to let down the wall get close to someone. he has told me from the beginning that his does not want to get married or have children and he knows that is what i want and he just doesnt want to waste my time. i think he is telling me this to scare me away. i told if he knows that is what i want and he knows he is never gonna want that then why does he keep coming around? he didnt have an answer. i told him to let nature take its course and lets just see where things go. we really dont know each other enough to predict anything. i know i do want to get remarried and have another child with the right person. am i wasting my time? and if i am what do i do about it? we get along great and have a wonderful time together. do i just suddenly break up with him or should i see where things are going?

I think he keeps coming around because he likes to spend time with you, and maybe for the sex if you are doing that. It's not that he doesn't want to keep seeing you. But listen to he says he doesn't want the same things you want. He will keep coming around if you let him. But you are setting yourself up for a big disspaointment when he keeps his word and does not ever fall for you.
There is no question here. He's being honest but you are not listening, and you might be trying to believe that if you just keep seeing him and see where things go, that he will eventually want marriage too. You have to be honest with yourself.... if you want to be remarried someday, you have to dump him and keep looking.
If you continue dating him with the hopes that you will eventually change his mind, then you are putting yourself in a high risk situation.
There is no single right answer but you do need to come to some form of acceptance of the current situation, then make a smart decision.
You are wasting your time if you are sure you want to get married and have children.
Your best best is to tell him what your goals are and since these are not his goals, you aren't going to see him anymore.
It's possible he will come to a realization that he is not really so gun shy -- but don't count on it.
And if he does try to come back, I'd really hesitate until I was sure that he wasn't just stringing you along again.
He keeps coming around because you allow it. Put an end to this and move on. Heal thyself and be open to a man who wants the same things you do; marriage and children. Until then, take care of YOU and YOUR SON!
Take care!