He holds the ball too long in his court.
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| Wed, 12-08-2004 - 5:41pm |
Hi all,
I never thought I'd be writing something like this. It appears funny, but it has been bothering me much. He is a potential date. I feel good about him as a person and how he treats me. there is only one problem. he talks too much. when the ball is in his court.. his sentences don't have a full stop..but just a series of ellipses after every part..he is a very very knowledgeable guy, and he has so much to talk about any damn topic in the world, that he simply can't help himself. If I mention "ketchup", he will somehow come around to the history of ketchup. i really, really, do respect him as a person, becoz I feel respected by him too. and maybe that's one reason I have never been able to even *hint* at him that it is really bothering me. When I want to talk about something, he is a good listener, otherwise. After he finishes talking, or gets tired talking, he says "oh, looks like i hv been talking a lot, and making u feel bored?". And I have to bite my tongue and say "oh no u r fine. i learnt a lot!" instaed of saying "well, if u had given me a chance to put in a word..".
I consider myself to be a patient person, and if this is bothering me, it looks like i m at the threshold.
I am sure if I mention, he will definitely take it seriously, but at the cost and risk of his getting hurt.
I want to know this person better.
He is a good guy, and he is definitely showing that he is interested in me.
How do I talk to him about this? Or should I just let him him be "himself" and learn to adjust??
Thanks Guys.
Coz.

Let's flip this around....I bet there is something about you that he thinks is pretty strange, weird, off-beat, or downright obnoxious. If he doesn't.....it's simply because he doesn't know you well enough yet (of course, he's too busy talking to listen to you!).
Great relationships are taking the good with the bad.....it's not you restructuring people to be waht you want and need. there is NO WAY that YOU with a request could alter this guy.
What you could get is situational behavior change temporarily. If you mention that he seems to go on ad finitum about the irrelevant topics....what he'll do is start giving one word or sentence answers. To stop you having to "deal with how he is"....that's going to put you into an emotional frenzy of "don't be like this, be like you were" - which he will do by default of that is "how he is" at times.....and won't at others whenever he's "watching his actions".......and it'll put you in a tizzy. Because at some point, he's likely to default into "who he is" around people that you want to impress and you'll think "why now he is expounding on ketchup" when the day before you were begging him to "talk to you more".
I think you need to stand back and ask yourself honestly...does the man bore you? Is he endlessly expounding on the irrelevant in your opinion?
Because if the answer to "does he bore you" is yes.....here's the deal. Either he's talking like this, about the irrelevant to this degree, because he's socially inept and has personal insecuriites. And so he's become a 'trivia expert" to ensure that he has "something" to talk about...but rarely is it something that matters, or that is regarding HIS personal goals beliefs, ideas, and values and activities.
Or else, he's a blowhard that honestly loves to hear himself talk...and he's run off alot of friendships and other types of relationships being this way...and he has no desire to stop...or else he would have already done it.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Coz...
Pianoguy is willing to bet that his "constant conversations about everything" is connected with being NERVOUS! Haven't you encountered others who constantly ramble?
Of course...there's always the possibility that this man just likes to HEAR HIMSELF TALK?
The next time he's chatting away about a particular subject....break in with one of the following phrases:
"WAIT A MINUTE!", "HOLD ON A SECOND!", "OOOOOO...YOU REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING!"
Then bring up a relatable point to his present conversation....while making a 'gentle segue' to a different topic! If you do this enough (and please...don't try this approach more than once or twice a night)...the man might take a little more time TO LISTEN to what you have to say...instead of dominating the conversation?
Good Luck!
Pianoguy
I couldn't help laughing :-)
Yes, I think I'll try the "wait a sec! that reminds me of..!" part next time :-)
It does look like he loves to hear himself talk! and it's also true that since we are still in the "initial phase of a friendship", this might be a sign of some anxiety.
I know he does like me.
He IS a trivia expert!! i think Seinfeld has some competition. Sadly, there have been times, when I felt too bored, and my ears ached. I had casually mentioned that I was having some coke while I spoke to him, (we were on the phone), and then he went to talk about how he likes HIS coke, and asked about what kind of package the coke I purchased came in, and how it's better I have the drink from a glass, rather than directly from the can, and the reasons behind it.
Well, let's see what tomorrow brings :-)
cozmican...
Pianoguy is also a trivia expert (at least when it comes to movies, music, tv and classic radio shows)!
Your last sentence: "See What Tomorrow Brings" was actually the title of an LP (later released on CD) by a popular American folk trio. Why not ask "Mr. Trivia" if he knows the name of the group that sang the song?
And if he can answer that one...ask him if he knows the name of the trio that sang the original "THINGS GO BETTER WITH COCA COLA" jingle? :)
Pianoguy
He's possibly "codependently boring"....."egotistically overrated"....or he's "nervous as a teenager".
Look at his life...and you'll know which it is. If he's been into a little bit of everything but an expert at nothing and possesses no real interests or pursuits...he's "codependently boring'. He's looked to whoeverhe's aligned with to provide primary interests, goals, situations to fix, deal with, pursue.
If he's pontificates ad nauseum......and to your statements that aren't questions about him and his abilities or talents or greatness he "nods" and continues on.....he's egotistically overrated.
Nervous as a teenager.....would be that he's a very successful person in business, he has personal pursuits and goals and achievements, he has friends and family of long duration that appear to be emotionally balanced....and around you he's giddy.
It does NOT sound like #3.......otherwise he wouldn't have the ability to discern your boredom. HE's been around this block before!
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
When he makes comments about talking so much, what would be wrong with you saying, in a teasing tone of voice, "well, you do like to go on!" or something like that? That way, you could alert him to maybe tone it down a bit, without coming right out and saying that he's boring you to tears!
I've found that a bit of humor can go a long way towards resolving a situation. I do think, though, that lying to him is just going to get you more of the same, so I wouldn't continue to do that.
If you try this and the other suggestions you've gotten, and nothing changes, then you'll either need to accept him as is, or move on.
Sheri
Hm..
Thanks everyone for replying to my post. more comments r ofcourse welcome. am still trying to figure him out, and ur inputs really helped! i had never thought in those directions.
and Pianoguy, i bet he is not gonna be able to answer the questions u asked :-) heard him talk about music, but not too much in detail.
take care guyz..
cya.