Is He A Houdini?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Is He A Houdini?
6
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:48pm

Been talking to this guy for about 2 weeks. We've been flirting up a storm. He finally asked what my type was & I made it clear it was him. He said "well, maybe you should drop some hints & he'll eventually get the picture".

He seemed really interested. & he seems like a nice guy.

Trouble is, I haven't heard from him since that conversation! Granted, it's only been 2 days. But, I am freaking out! We went from talking EVERYDAY to nada at all! :( Did I scare him off?

See "I Want a Relationship He Doesn't" for backstory...(he initiated "the talk" & we were supposed to take things slow & see what happens)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: cherlem
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 7:53pm
It's simple: he DOESN'T want a felationship and you do, so he can come and go as he pleases because he doesn't have any obligation to you OR anyone else. You freak out because you do want something with him. He knows it so as soon as he smells "I want committment" he vanishes. I wouldn't be surprised if he re-appears to disappear again and again OR maybe to hook up again and again.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cherlem
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 8:25pm

Only time will tell. But if he is having 2nd thoughts about whether the two of you are a good fit or if he even wants to have *any* sort of relationship right now (even casual) then the worst thing you could do would be to initiate contact with him while he's in this period of uncertainty. Let him come to you...I know it's frustrating but let him figure it out without crowding him. He'll either decide to continue, or not...you'll know soon enough.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: cherlem
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 9:44pm

well if that scared him off then imagine what would happen after you actually dated and showed interest -


whatever happens, happens.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
In reply to: cherlem
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 8:55pm

So, he called today. It was all a misunderstanding. I failed to mention the events of Friday evening because I didn't think that episode was relevent.

My Father just recently passed away. My guy & a group of friends all went to a concert. A sad song played, "Life Aint Always Beautiful" & I brokedown into tears. I didnt think M saw. Apparently, he did. My mutual friends explained to him why I was upset. He thought it had something to do with him. Which is why he became distant.

He explained that he had just gotten out of a relationship where his wife cried all the time & that is why he freaked out.

To Lightbright, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to disagree with you. Maybe you failed to read my WHOLE original thread. M & I only slept together ONCE. We had been talking everyday since. HE initiated "the talk" where HE said he was interested & knew there was potential with me & HE wanted to see where it goes. Thanks for your input. But, the guy simply isn't using me for sex when we arent having sex. We are becoming friends first...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cherlem
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 1:00pm

Hmm. While I can understand his reaction, given his experience, the fact that he would ASSUME that you were crying about him (without asking you) doesn't bode well for his ability to be in a healthy relationship.

This is a good example of what I'm talking about with freshly divorced men being "walking wounded".

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: cherlem
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 9:26pm
I agree. He is who is is and clearly isn't about to change. The only thing that can change is you - as in moving on to someone who can give you what you need
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