He insulted my figure???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2005
He insulted my figure???
6
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 8:32am
I have been dating this man for a few months now. He adores me, sometimes too much I think. Sometimes he becomes very insecure because he thinks I'm "too good" for him, and "too pretty to be with him" but I'm always quick to disagree. The other day we were intimate for the first time. I have always been very comfortable and happy with my body, so I did not hesitate to show it to him, thinking that he'd be very pleased. Well he was... but he pointed out a couple of small stretch marks on my right hip, and informed me that my behind COULD be a little rounder, and why don't I work out some to develop that!!! As soon as I get naked, he says THIS??
I didn't let on how this hurt me. I should have, I know, but I didn't. WHY would he do something like that as soon as I get undressed... or at all for that matter? And how should I deal with that, or is it too late to since it's already been said and I let it go?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:15am
Sounds like he is putting you down to feel better about himself. I predict that put-downs will be a regular part of your relationship with this person unless you call him on it everytime he puts you down. Tell him he needs to stop it or be gone. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:22am
Personally, I would tell him it bothered you. (I would also get out of the relationship, but I realize that's a little harsh so I won't advise you to do so.) It doesn't matter that the moment has passed, it only matters that it's still affecting you. So tell him, let him know it hurt your feelings and see where it goes from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 2:57pm
If he is so critical about such minute details, what will happen when bigger issues come along? What will happen if you marry him and have a baby? If he is this critical now, so early in the relationship, (and you don't confront him) then you are signing up for a crash course in low self esteem 101. Because, it only gets worse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 9:07pm

<< Sometimes he becomes very insecure because he thinks I'm "too good" for him >>

Ya know, you should let him know that you're too good for him ... because, you are! Looks like "Mr. He-Adores-Me" is starting to show his true self ... and eventually, a person's REAL self will come out ... usually a few months into a relationship when things start getting comfortable.

This is a critical time in your relationship. 3 - 6 months, IMO, can be the "make or break" time for many couples. Which is why, again IMO, many people have several "few month" relationships in their day.

It's EASY for things to be SO GREAT in that initial infatuation "can't get enough of you" phase ... it's what happens AFTER that's over that shows what a relationship is REALLY about.

Your guy insulted your figure with a couple of rather rude remarks ... to which I'd ask him, "what was the point of that?"

That is, if you want to continue with this relationship ... by all means, it's not too late. It's NEVER too late to let someone know that they've insulted you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2005
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:30pm
It's possible he felt as if you were a little too proud of your appearance, so he decided to point out a few flaws. If he feels that you are out of his league, it does not surprise me that he would say something like that. But to say it while you were both in bed and just beginning to explore each other's bodies - that was a little classless...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:40pm

That is awful but that he could do that to you at such a moment is excellent information to have about him. You need to ask him why he brought this up and let him know it hurt you. Communication is key here. See his reaction - maybe out of insecurity at what a magnificent creature you are he pointed out small or imaginary flaws.

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