Is he interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Is he interested?
8
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 1:15pm

We work in the same company, we meet few times during meetings etc but we hardly get a chance to talk since I sit in a huge room with other people and we all share the same table. Background: I had posted a question back in some message board about what happened during the white elephant game- he had a gift he wanted to give away and he kept on showing it to everyone raising his hand and when it came to my turn he shouted 'I love you' in front of everyone. I think this 'I love you' was just to tell me 'please steal this gift from me- I love you'. I got back a reply to my post saying 'maybe he is trying to convey something but some of us need a extra thump on back of our head for us to get it!' But I have always thought he was just joking or whatever. It makes me wonder sometimes why he said that only when I started to steal gifts though.

I met him last week in regards to a question I had with my work but it was confidential and so we had to go out of office to talk. We spoke about the question I had concern about and then we started chatting generally. He asked all about me- like where I come from, what I studied, when did I move to USA etc. Our conversation was smooth in the sense- we just poured out to each other. He told he was an Introvert but in office it is different-meaning he talks with people and mingles,laughs but he is a good listener and he told this to me. And then, he asked about my eduction level. When I told I had a MS, he kind of repeated 2 times 'Hmm..I have a BS and you are a MS!' he was smiling when he said this- yes he is a BS but now he is a manager in this company which means he earns more than me! then why was he repeating this 2 times? I think he likes me because of the way he looks at me and has been checking out on me ever since I started with this job. Why did he tell me he was an Introvert? Why did he talk about himself when we were meeting for work related conversation? But I liked all this. I actually wanted to talk with this person and I enjoyed it. He told he has lived here since 28 years now, he has a house here- he bought it from his parents. It is like - he wanted to tell me about himself- u know waiting to tell me all this..I got that feeling after I came back.

Then he started asking me what interests I have- we spoke about blogging, biotech etc. we both spoke and we enjoyed it. We both seem to like same topics. Then we spoke what we are doing this weekend and I told I am moving to a new place. He asked me if someone is there to help me move. And then when we drove back, he asked me 'oh your parents must be pressuring you to marry now..it has been 7 years since you came here to USA..I think you will have a queue of boys lined up behind you :-)' he even asked me whether I am a green card holder or US Citizen.

U know all of this makes me wonder whether he was just curious or really interested in me?
My confusion is whether he is interested in me or not? Should I wait for some more hint?

PS: He also told he was going to Oregon last weekend. I asked him 'Why r u going to Oregon? First he told me 'he is generally going there no reason or work' but when I asked 2nd time later, he mentioned something about his girl friend- not sure whether he was going to meet her or whatever. I was looking at him when he told this- he had no excitement or happiness when he mentioned about his girl friend. I could see that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: gulabi1
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 8:44pm

short answer is you should wait for more signs.

I can relate to your situation so well as I have had many instances where I become so infatuated with a man that show signs of interest. As a woman who has been wanting to find a RS, my radar is always up whenever I meet a nice man and in the field I'm in where most of my time is spent at work, it's very easy to confuse familiarity and casual platonic interest for romance.

I realize that a person who is good at relating always find something interesting about you to discuss and you should be the same towards him. He may even be genuinely interested in you, like you, and even find you endearing. BUT, this may or may not result in romance. At least liking someone is a good start. However, there are many factors which can prevent people fr making that final step of asking you out. As you mentioned he has a gf. Don't read too much into his lack of enthusiasm about the gf. It's a touchy situation and you don't want to hope for too much before getting more information.

That being said, I don't want to discourage you from having feelings and hope for this person. I really don't b/c when you want love and are looking, you should be open and loving to people in general anyway and that can only come through when you're confident, hopeful and happy. However, be careful about investing too much emotionally before you have more info.

Take it from a girl who is very likable and is liked by many men at work, but most of the time it's just platonic. I've learned to be loving towards them too. If nothing else it's empowering to be able to treat people lovingly w/o any expectation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: gulabi1
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 10:12am

This kind of affectionate co-worker "interest" is fun, but as you say, it leaves you without knowing what the guy really has in mind. I have come to the conclusion that the guy doesn't know either.

The remarks about you having an MS while he is only a BS, I can explain to you because I have experienced it. Many men find it both impressive and intimidating when a woman has a higher academic degree (or more academic degrees, or a degree from a more prestigious institution) than they do. I think he kept repeating the difference to show you that he was impressed. It was meant as a sort of compliment. It was also a way that he was saying "I accept it and am not intimidated."

My response when I have to deal with men who have less formal education than I do is to shrug off my degrees by saying something like, "Yes, I was in school already and they offered me a scholarship so I went ahead and did another two years." I make it sound like I am not impressed by the degree, like it is just something that happened. Then I always make a point of saying that the degree means nothing, that it is what one learns on the job, real experience, that makes a difference. I do this not to flirt (most of the time I am not even remotely interested in these guys) but to make it easier on the guy that I have more education than he does.

Anyway, I agree with the others that you can only wait and see. You should not do anything except indicate interest in him by asking him questions and smiling a lot. As for the girlfriend, you certainly can ask him about her. What is she like and so forth. He has asked you about your parents plans for you to marry. You can certainly discuss how much pressure you are/aren't under. A friendship may progress, but don't get too hopeful until/unless he actually asks you out or something like that.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
In reply to: gulabi1
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:52am

hey elarisa and the previous replier-

this was a nice message. thanks much. I am not being any extra hopeful over this man but I do want to be friends with him. I also have noticed that he does not make any conversation when we are with our colleagues in the same room. he told he is an introvert but I dont know how much to believe. and then sometimes I think he is least interested in me because he has my Instant message IM (work IM)but he has never initiated any chats himself. kind of tricky...but I am keeping my fingers crossed. I need friends now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 4:59pm
I agree, the more love we give out the more it comes back to us, often in wonderful ways we didn't expect
,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: gulabi1
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 4:22pm
It's hard to be yourself around someone you're attracted to but if you look at every man regardless of what he has as a potential friend rather than a mate, you'd feel more at ease and from that ease, you feel more confident to be funny, flirtatious, and charming. So the qualities that attract a potential romantic partner come from the desire to be a friend rather than the desire to be a lover. At least that's what I try to psych myself to do. I came to this conclusion after noticing that the kind of men that I fell for. They are confident, friendly, touchy, attentive, funny. And they all did this w only the desire to be a friend and it is because I'm a likeable girl. So I'm trying to use these techniques on men. It's hard but I'm practicing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: gulabi1
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 9:09pm

Absolutely. Be casual, friendly, etc.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: gulabi1
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 9:16pm

Friends are always great to have but doesn't sound like that's really what you really want from him.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
In reply to: gulabi1
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 1:34am

Hey girls, thanks much! By the way I am 'gulabi1' too...
I am of course trying to be more friends with him but he is so shy to start conversing with me! Or might be he is scared, don't know. One thing I am confused about is, should I chase him or not. Because I see he likes me the way he looks at me. I have just posted a question in this board with the topic "If he likes me, then why is he so shy"?

I will ask him for coffee or lunch this week..lets see how he responds and what happens.