He just disappeared?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
He just disappeared?!
9
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:19pm

I need some help understanding this. Why would a guy date you for a month, seem very interested in you, then all of a sudden just vanish and/or stop calling with no explanantion? I tried calling him once, got his voicemail.

I guess I'm just still in shock because this has never happened to me. I really thought things were going well and that he really liked me. Now I just get sick to my stomach every time I think about it.

We have mutual friends too, and they're just as surprised. But they haven't talked to him lately either, so they don't know what to tell me.

So I just don't understand why he didn't feel I at least deserved an explanation. All I want is some closure. Any thoughts???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 12:50pm
I had someone do it to me 6 months into dating. They are cowards, they don't want to be around to deal with the ramifications of a break up so they just disappear.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 6:56pm

Read "Mars and Venus on a Date". John Gray has a whole section devoted to the many lame reasons why guys do this.

To me, it is rude and cowardly, and there is absolutely NO excuse that justifies it (unless he's dead or in a coma).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 7:30pm
Because it's much easier to disappear than to tell someone to their face that they no longer want to pursue things.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 7:41pm

That's what email is for, if that's the case ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 10:51pm

yup he's a coward and you are so much better off than to be with the likes of him.

Don't be surprised if he comes sniffing around sometime later down the line. I've had this happen to me before and have had guys try to weasel their way back in. If he does, I hope you treat him like what he is....garbage!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:10pm
You never had that happen to you before? Well lucky you! It is quite common. My bf of three years broke up with me this way. He just stopped all contact, wouldn't return my calls, moved, etc...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 10:17am
Forget about him and dont ask about him, hes not worth it, (happen to me but i was with him for a year) So you are lucky that he did it after a month so you can move on and try to find somebody else it hurts but you can get over it, Hes going to realize what he had, and it might be too late, Dont forget that if he did already and u take him back hes going to do it again so Keep ur eyes open and good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 10:49am

don't count on getting a closure with him. you have to get it in your own mind.
yup, i too believe that these guys are cowards. this has happened to me, and i am still bitter and really angry about it. such guys don't have the guts to tell what's going on, and what they want. perhaps they are afraid of their dates getting mad at them, or crying etc, which they don't wanna deal with. but what a terrible, humiliating and immature way of ending something. i cannot stand it, but unfortunately, just accept it that there are guyz like this. am sorry for your situation. i hope that you resolve things in your mind, without expectations. with such guys, one can't expect anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 2:15pm

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sucks that guys can't have enough guts to just tell us to our face (or phone or email is fine too!) that they don't want to continue a relationship. It's humiliating and it hurts so much more than if they'd just say it. I equate it to pulling off a band-aid milimeter by milimeter rather than ripping it off fast. Sure, the guy telling you he doesn't want to see you anymore hurts but it lets you process it and move on. When they just vanish, you never know what happened so your imagination runs wild and it hurts 100 times worse and for much longer because you just don't know.

I'm surprised it hasn't happened to you before, tho. It has happened to me numerous times. It never fails to hurt to the core no matter how many times it happens. You just want them to give you the common consideration of telling you it is over. Not a big deal. Chances are you will not go nuts on them because knowing why helps. When women go nutso is when the guy just vanishes and offers no explanation.

I can tell you to move on, but I know it's hard to follow that advice (I can't even follow it myself). Good luck - you will get past the pain whether you believe it right now or not.

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