he is just not into me??
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he is just not into me??
| Fri, 10-05-2007 - 3:22pm |
hi my favourite board, your advice pls!
is it normal with a guy that u met twice so far but have talked on a chat already a number of times - that he calls or writes you just once a week ? that he can cancel on a date ("i'm sick so prefer to stay in, sorry didnt call u before")and then take u out the next day? and then come to chat talk casually and never ask you out? and then disappear? we had lunch last Sat and then just chat briefly yday. thats it for this week!!!
he told me on a chat how much he likes me but his behaviour is saying the opposite. should i freak out? bail out? wait and relax?

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Sounds like he likes you but he's lazy, and he probably doesn't realize that being this lazy could lead to the end of the relationship. i posted a message earlier today about a guy I'm dating who recently started resorting to text messaging instead of calling me. I think some of these guys think once you've gone out on a few dates with them they've snagged you and they don't have much else to do.
There are a few ways you can deal with him:
-play it by ear and go out with him a few more times and see if it changes. He could just be taking things slow, but at the same time, I usually think that someone who really wants to be with you is going to do more to show it.
-the next time he calls, pretend you don't know who he is, say, "Jack who?" and then joke about the fact that you never hear from him so you forgot how his voice sounds.
-or just bail. if you don't feel like you're going to get what you want out of this relationship, then get out of it.
I'm giving the guy I've been seeing one or two more dates and if he doesn't remember how to use a phone, that's it. If you're not looking for something serious but you have fun with him, keep going out but don't expect much.
thank u for advice sunnygirl! :) a bit more context on this story
he is 35, moved to the city where i live about 2weeks ago.we met on a plane a month ago and then kept in touch before he moved in. he told me how much he liked me, bla bla. then we met finally last Sat.
two things that i wonder about:
- i like him yet when i saw him i didnt feel the "OMG he is the one" spark. i just had very good time with him but i'm not ready to go further yet. its mostly him playing hard to get that ticks me off and makes me want to see him again (weird me, i know...) So right now i REALLY want him to call me!
- last Sat during our lunch he brought up his ex at least 3times. i kept politely knodding and changed the subject each time. is it normal that he did it? i felt uncomfortable each time and wondered 'is he really over her? or he is just saying to make it clear smth?' They broke up this march and were together only a year.
i'm confused... i dont want games, dont want to date just for the sake of dating. What i want is either be happy single again (about 8months that i'm out of relationship) or to date a guy who loves me and truly cares for me.
hmm....
You've only been out with the guy once... Chill out...Maybe he is not "playing" hard to get. He just moved there, he probably has a lot going on. He has a life, things he has to get done other than dating.
If he is playing hard to get... then he is not worth your time. Games have no business in a mature healthy relationship.
Bringing up his ex 3 times on your first date would be a red flag to me. Maybe he is not over her yet and not really ready for a relationship. Doesn't matter how long they were together, it takes some people longer than others.
You need to be happy with your life and yourself, before looking for a relationship.
Good luck
yeah red flag - i'm so with u on this one...why did he rush over to me on the plane and give me his business card and then write me and tell me he likes me so much?? guys are weird indeed
so i should just give him space and time to get over her? and kick back and relax in the meantime?
Maybe it was the moment, maybe he doesn't realize he is not over his ex yet.
Remember no matter what they say..... Actions speak louder than words. Until you really get to know someone take what they say with a grain of salt....
Yes give him space, go on with your life just like before you met him. If he is interested, believe me he will let you know not just with words but with his actions... Good luck
It sounds like he is juggling things and that is why he is keeping in touch, but not regularly.
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