Is he just not that into me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Is he just not that into me?
4
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 12:26pm

Okay so i'm not sure what to do. I have this "friend" who i went to high school with but never really talked to. We have a common friend, his ex-girlfriend/my best friend. We "got together" one night and since then we have been trying to build a friendship. He says he's not ready for a relationship but we really click and love spending time together. The problem is i'm totally falling for him, its hard to JUST be friends when i have feelings for him. I don't know if i can be just friends with him but i don't want to lose contact with him because i REALLY like him. I can't help but think that maybe at some point he will realize that he wants something more than a friendship and of course i will be there.

Help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 4:25pm

sarahcookie...

No help is necessary.

YOU WANT SERIOUS...THE GUY WANTS "FRIENDSHIP ONLY!" Conflict of interest requires a lot of bending from you...or the 'termination' of the relationship!

Which choice can you handle better?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 7:59pm
piano guy.. how long do you bend for? When is enough? I too want things to get serious and he wants things to go slow, he said he has feelings for me, but they must not be strong enough, yet, to see me more often. We have been seeing each other only since june 2004, when we are togethere, its great, our fourplay is hours of talking getting to know each other by asking alot of questions, and answering truthfull, and very honest. When we are together we are together for atleast 5hrs to 13 hrs at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 8:11am

noni66...

How much should you bend? Pianoguy wants to know how much bending you're doing now? If you feel that YOU are the only one keeping the relationship alive...this isn't good! But you know something? Your situation really comes down to speed....YOU want to travel at 80mph and accelerate things, but your b/f is happy travelling at 55 and taking it slow! There's a 35mph difference here.

While the 2 of you might see each other for long stretches of time (like 5 hours or more) and love the 'fourplay'---your b/f is comfortable with this arrangement...even though you're probably expecting (or hoping) 'a next step' will happen? Consider this...please?

June to October is only 5 months. What's wrong with maintaining your current pace for one full year? By the beginning of next June, if your b/f hasn't already moved forward and rewarded you for being such a wonderful support system...then this might be "the right time" to let him know how patient you've been. Without any shouting or screaming, since this would be your "one year anniversary of dating each other"---you'd like to know where things are headed...if anywhere? Explain what you want, but no threats! .

After you've expressed your feelings, your b/f will have to tell you something...or at least...ASK YOU WHAT YOU'RE EXPECTING?

At that point, "It's Your Call" (quoting Reba McIntyre) if you want to share your desires for marriage or something more permanent.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:58pm
pianoguy

i gues the bending i'm talking about is that we only get together when he wants to get together. He only calls me when he wants to come over. When I call him, he has only come over once in the last 5 mths when i've asked him to and it was only for 1hr, otherwise when i call him, he doesn't come over. One thing is i'm a single parent, but i have it made my ex does take our daughter every other weekend. My new b/f says he doesn't plan anything, he goes with the flow, so to speak. I feel i'm his last thought, cause he only comes over after 12:30 pm on the weekends, and when i have my daughter and stay up all night, i cant function, i know this is my problem i should tell him not to come over on those weekends, but like now its been almost 16 days since i've seen him and if he calls i want him to come over.(this weekend my Daughter is home).He doesn't keep track what weekends i am free (with no kid). I really like him, we are so open even with this topic, he does understand i want to go 80mph and that i've never done a lower speed with a relationship. I do feel that since the others didn't work at top speed, maybe this will, but its real hard. (sorry for going on and on...)