Is He Just Playing It Real Slow?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Is He Just Playing It Real Slow?
2
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 12:58am

Met a man about year ago who i spent about three months with. He was a recovering alcoholic and had mentioned it wasnt a good thing to get too serious with anyone within the first year. I understood that. Despite his problems, i really felt a great connection with him and felt like he had a lot of relatable attributes and things that always appealed to me in a man. In addition to his alcoholism he had a liking to places where he could participate in voyeur behaviors with his partnr. I had said early on no way...

We had a great time nonetheless but he had started to show signs of falling off the wagon and he then completely isolated h imself.. it took me a week to get a hold of him and he profusely apologized but said he is not doing well and needed to isolate himself. I was beside myself cause i really cared about him.. Long story short we missed the holidays together and spoke last January.. small talk and then a major bomb.. It was something that was a bit overreacted to on both parts and led me to unwind a bit and leave ridiculously long messages trying to clarify my poisition  but to no avail.. it really upset him what i had said.. i went overboard trying to ease the situation but only aggravated it by trying to communicate.. he freaked out at how long my messages were .. it went on for a few days and i had just had it and said meet me and give me my shoes back that are in your house he didnt respond again for a few days he only responded when i cursed at him on a msg not to expect him to call me back if i curse at him.. LSS, i demanded that he mail my shoes back and didnt want any part of him anymore. A part of me didnt mean it but was sooooo upset at the ridiculous behavior on both ends. A month ago was the same time we met a year ago., I called his number but then hung up.. he texted me about a week later to ask me did i call him and i think yu did call me kind of thing,.. i pulled his leg a bit on that one but then admitted to calling.. we had not spoken on the phone.. so the past few weeks some minor little exchanges on the text back and forth.. thanks and u 2... courtesies..and asking about how i am..l  I did mention in one text that no matter where we are in our lives i still remember him fondly.  i finally decided to leave a message and he has not called back.. i did say if you cant or wont you wont but i would like to speak with you. i couldnt believe how much my voice was cracking and nervous but i really was.. i felt like maybe i was doing something wrong. Do you think he is playing it real cool and slow to test me to see how far like i did a year ago with too many messages etc..? I really wanted to tell him i hated how things were left and hoped he was doing well. I hate being misunderstood and not judged fairly and i saw some things that really concerned me about him and wanted him to have the life he deserves.. he lives well but he has an addiction and was very unsure about who he really is without drinking and who is real friends are.. really i know he had/has a real nut to crack but i sures heck wanted to be there for him and or to at least leave it where we can revisit things when he was better on track. Some friends of mine have said that he texted you back if you called him was a sign he wanted to hear from you, if he didnt want to know you anymore he would have ignored it completely. What do you think about not calling back..?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 11:52am

I think you should forget about this guy.  I can see that you're sentimental thinking about one year ago when you met him, and maybe heis too, but that's it.  He's not playing it slow--he doesn't want a relationship with you. It's been since last winter that you had the big blow up--has he ever called or tried to contact you since then to try to get back?  no.  He is probably not a good candidate for a relationship.  You left him a message asking him to call back & he didn't--that would indicate to me that he doesn't want to start up things again.  women are always fantasizing about what things mean but men are much more direct about stuff.  If they want to talk, they will call you, if they dont' call it's not usually because they have some hidden agenda.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 3:15pm

I agree with MusicLover. Watch that movie He's Just Not That Into You. Nothing personal - he's obviously got some issues and you sound very sweet and sympathetic so there's really no accounting for taste here. Don't run yourself ragged over this guy. Maybe the reason you're still so fixated on him is that you haven't left yourself open to other options this past year. Put yourself out there more and see what's available. Getting to know other men who really appreciate you may become a revelation of sorts as to how to spot those who don't. Definitely pass on this one.