He left for another woman

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
He left for another woman
14
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 12:14am

We've been together for more than a year, long distance. We had been having issues since our last trip together, due to my busier schedule with my new job and him acting like he wanted space and then blaming me for not being attentive enough. Hot and cold behaviour, nothing sweet I did was ever good, seemed like everything I did made him angry.

He then left for a 3 week tour, and called me from there saying that we should break up since his feelings have changed. He wanted to be remain friends but I preferred not to pick up his calls, and after about a week he started throwing tantrums for my 'neutral behaviour' and started begging to be back.

We got back together a week ago, he was acting normal again but then went three days over the weekend not calling and finally told me that he had met somebody else on his trip, and had kissed her tht weekend. Now he is calling to "check on me" even when I told him not to, but seems to always be giving me details about how special this other woman is, how attractive he found her.

It is comforting for him to be checking on me but I don't understand why he feels it necessary to be giving me details of this other woman. Also, why did he want to be back after he suggested the break up himself and then rushed into her arms the minute we got back together? Should I even be talking to him anymore? He kept up a friendship with his ex which bordered on more than friendly sometimes while he was with me, although he says that it was only emotional and not physical.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:12am

It might but from the other things he does, it sounds to me more like that him continuing to call is a control issue.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 9:38pm

I am determined not to give him that control anymore.

The man has been calling over and over since last week - sometimes 10 times in a row, at odd hours too. I only picked up his phone call once, the day after he announced he had met this other person.

It's been a week now and although I've written him several times to say why I do not wish to speak to him, he insists. First it was for 'closure', to which I replied that we had done that already. Now he says it's because of his 'doubts and insecurities'. Because I'm supposed to be there as a friend and counselor after he dumps me for another woman?!

Today was the last straw - I received a text message from him that was supposed to go to her, I'm quite sure. Not so innocent, this mistake.

He is acting like an obsessed lunatic although it was his choice to leave, not the other way round. I am glad we are separated by so many miles. Short of changing my phone number now, I do not know what to do, as he sends texts knowing that I will have to read them even if I don't pick up his calls. I cannot imagine what he could possibly have to say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:11pm
You can block texts from certain numbers on most cell phone plans.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 5:42am
Every time you contact him, even though it might be negative contact, he knows you are thinking about him which is exactly what he wants. He likes the drama and the engagement with you. Therefore, you need absolutely no contact whatsoever. If he continues to call and you can't use call block you are going to either have to change your number or get a restraining order.

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