He left me and I'm bummed....m.l.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
He left me and I'm bummed....m.l.
6
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 2:49pm


Hi. I just need some advice. My ex D and I have finally split. We
dated seriously for three months. He broke up with me the first
time for about two weeks. Then came running back to me. We was
FWB for about four months. I tried not to let him hurt me but,
I did. I kept thinking that we would get back together. He let
on like we would. before anyone says it. Yes,I know that he just
used me for that. I'm 24 and he's 20. All of the sudden he just
stopped calling and coming over. I can't handle it- it feels weird
without him in my life at all. He told my best friend (who's married)
and a mutual friend of ours that it was over with me and him. And he
wanted her to tell me. But, she told him to tell me to my face and
he won't. He just told me that we would go our separated ways for
awhile and but , we would still talk every once in awhile.

I made him mad because, I called to talk to him. He told me not to
call his house before but, he changed his cell number. I know that I
should get over the jerk. But, I still have strong feelings for him.
What should I do? I keep expecting him to show up. He says he won't
but, that's not stopped him in the past.ps. he also had some nerve to
ask her to call me and invited me to some club with him. If he want's
nothing to do with me then why did he ask that? And hang around her
for an hour trying to convience her that it was over with me and him?
But, yet, he won't face me or call me to tell me that's it's over?
Even, though, I know that it is. I can't help but think that he'll
come back eventually like always. This is the longest we've been
without each other. Almost three months. This october would have
been our year anniversary. It makes me sad to think about it and
that we're not even together.

How do I move on? I don't want to date again for awhile. I'm too
heartbroken. I can't help but, be. I never got any closure. I
know sometimes in relationships you can't get closure but, it
sure would help. Thanks for the advice in advance....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 5:02pm

Hon, this guy is an immature a$$ that didn't even have the guts to break up with you to your face after all this time - that is not only rude, it is juvenille and cowardly. He's dumped you once and then used you as a FWB. You wanted more so of course you were going to get hurt. But despite how he treated you, you did allow him to hurt you because you knew that he didn't feel the same about you and yet you stayed anyway - I have been there, done that so believe me when I say that only YOU can allow him to stop hurting you in this kind of a situation. If you keep doing the "I love him and just want him back" thing, you will probably wind up taking him back when he crawls back again and wind up getting hurt again and again. Be stronger than that and walk away and find someone that will treat you with respect!

And BTW - you can't call him at home?? What kind of cockamamie stuff is that?!? You were his girlfriend and you can't call his house? AND he changed his cell and didn't tell you??? I am guessing that he has/had another girlfriend and that he was cheating on her with you.

No, you shouldn't date for a while. This guy hurt and used you and dumped you with absolutely no closure so you need some time to grieve and get over it. Do some things for you - take a class, join a gym, volunteer - do you live anywhere in the south that you could volunteer for hurricane victims? Even if you don't, call your local Red Cross or some other organization and see if they need help. If you keep yourself busy doing things for yourself and others, you can't focus on this idiot. Also, you'll be busy and unavailable if he decides to pull another re-appearing act. Good luck!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:44pm

This guy is cruel, immature, a game player, he wants power and control and unfortunately you're giving him what he wants. If you tell him that you're done, you won't put up with someone who doesn't treat you with respect, you will feel a lot better.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 12:25pm
This guy wants a FWB type relationship on HIS terms. You can't call his house. He changes his cell phone number. Changes the terms of the relationship without telling you or giving you a chance to speak up for what you want. Why would you miss having a jerk like that in your life? He's a pretty lousy FWB, and he'd be an even worse boyfriend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 3:55pm

Someone has probably already told you this...

but in your case, I dont think he even deserves to talk to you and that you dont need any closure or explanation from him. He is simply just too immature for you. What really happened? Most likely not you, he probably got tired of being in a committed relationship as he is obviously not mature enough to have one, and probably just wanted to play the fields.

have some dignity and stop talking to this guy, and stop caring about his business altogether. he is not worth your time. sounds like he is better off with an 18 yr old who will accept this behaviour - let's tell a third party and pass on the message - how juvenile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 5:51pm
I don't see what the big deal is here. Most guys will dump after sex and the last one did that immediately afterwards..disappeared and changed his cellphone number. And I have never been given a guy's home number. They only give cellphone numbers. Men are men. Get used to it:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 6:08pm
Wow - have you really been treated that shabbily by men???? NO, most men do NOT dump a woman right after sex. Besides, you are missing the point, they "dated" for almost a year which did include a FWB period but this was not a one night stand. I have always known the home phone number of men I have dated. And your "men are men" is a crappy excuse - this is a matter of treating a human being with common courtesy and respect. If you have only seen this kind of treatment by men, then I understand your comments, but everyone deserves to be treated better than this and your generalizations are very sad.

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