He left me.. without telling me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
He left me.. without telling me
7
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:02pm
I was living with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years when I decided to finish things at the end of last year because i didn't think i loved him anymore. Everything was o.k till I saw him and everything came flooding back. He had a girlfriend but finished her to come back to me. I thought we had sorted things out and everything was great for 2 weeks, we never argued or anything and i thought he had changed so much. then one morning he said he was going to get me some of the money he owed me. I rang to check everything was o.k and he answered and everything was fine, he told me he loved me and that he would see me soon and that was the last I heard from him, me and a friend was frantically ringing round hospitals and the police because i thought something had happened to him. Then 2 days later he txt my friend to tell me he was coming home... he did but to tell me that his Fiancee was pregnant with his child..which he knew when he finished with her from me.. and that he would rather be with her and it was all my fault, that was the only explaination i got from him. i was devastated to say the least!! I have seen them together in clubs.. and it reduces me to tears every time... he just stands at laughs at me.. i don't understand what i have done wrong. i have tried everything to gt him out of my head.. it has been 3 months now and things are just getting worse.. my friends are sick of hearing about him so i have no-one to talk to. One side of me wants him to come back more than anything.. and the other side of me thinks to foget because of what he has done.. can anyone help??????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:11pm
Im confused.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:57pm
Hi,

I am sorry to hear that you are hurting but I have to agree 100% with Wendie.... he hurt you and laughed at you; why would you want him back? He's a jerk and you deserve better. He most definitely does not deserve your tears. The next time you bump into him, with or without his fiance try not to show any of your pain... hard I know but smile as if the world is on your side because I think he enjoys seeing you hurt. Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 9:18pm
I was in a similar situation about 6 months ago. The only thing I can tell you is just give it some time. If you love this guy, it will take time to heal. Even if he is laughing at you and hurt you. You still cared for him. You have to realize over time you are much better without him. You are worth more and deserve someone who knows what you are worth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 9:43pm
To get him out of your head once and for all focus on his lack of character, his demeanor and his actions.....he lied to you and left you with no warning to then then reappeare, text your friend and tell her that he has a fiancee and she's pregnant. What kind of man will do this?... A low life. He doesn't respect you or his fiancee...can you imagine your life together with this losser? He probably did it out of spite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 2:23am
OOOOH, I do not like this guy!!! He is a real jerk. First off, I would not go anyplace they might be, not for a while anyway. Do not give them the opportunity to see you upset or crying. In the meantime, do some stuff that will get your spirits up. Get your hair and nails done, hang-out with friends, go out on dates, visit family. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. Once your confidence is up, you can go back to whatever club it was and hold your head up-high, laugh and smile! Talk to guys get their phone number and walk out knowing what a loser your ex is, and that she has the burden of dealing with him now! Ugh, what sort of man laughs at a woman who is hurting?...SCUM!!! He doesn't deserve not 1 tear drop. He doesn't deserve anything from you, DON'T give him that power over your life!!!!

Like I said "make yourself feel better", buy a new pair of beautiful shoes, get your hair and nails done and spritz on some of that sweet perfume. Go out on the town with the girls and other guys are sure to flirt with you. In the meantime, get their number go out on dates. Don't sleep with any of them until you are really over your ex. Just let them give you a confidence boost.

I find that going out on dates with guys, even ones I am not too crazy about; they somehow make me feel so much better. Just knowing that YES, other men think I am hot! Usually makes me feel like a million bucks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 8:55am
Thanx for your help.. i think my problem is that while i was with him he actualy was a really nice guy.. apart from a few things but nobodys perfect. Its hard to see him in such a bad light over what he has done because for a long while we did have a good relationship. My only worry is that he does try to come back because i know i am not strong enough to say no to him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 07-21-2004 - 8:33am
Girl consider yourself very lucky because you got the better part of the deal out of the three of you.

He is aparently an imature jerk who will not experience happiness anytime soon, unless he does some maturing and learns to respect people.

His fiance is stuck with him AND his baby.

He has showed you his true self. Believe me, you are not in love with him, you are in love with being in love with a nice guy (which he probably never really was).

IF he tries to come back to you again, that actually makes him alot worse than he first seemed!

Just think for a bit:

-he lied to you

-he left you

-he was engaged and got the girl pregnant

-he leaves his pregnant girlfriend to come back to you

-he leaves you again for her,treating you horribly

-he laughs at your pain

Actually any person who laughs when someone cries is not worth it!

Just imagine for a second if you were to get pregnant and having to deal with pregnancy and this kind of guy coming and going and fooling you around treating you like that.

Don't give your weakness so much importance. I am sure that deep inside you, you know his faults, you wouldn't be here stating them if you didn't.

Just be happy that you are free and you didn't get any permanent harm out of this relationship.

Remember, a heart in pain can be healed.