He likes me but isn't ready?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
He likes me but isn't ready?
1
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:15pm

I'm still a relatively young girl (18). But I've never felt that I needed a guy in my life. I never understood the need my friends had during highschool when he came to guys. I was raised to be very indenpendent by my mom (but still consider marriage and everything). Well anyway I've also kind of avoided the male gender as anymore then friends because I've had a hard time growing up with them. Such as a stepfather tried to strangle me to death, another molested me and others we're just emotionally abusive. But I don't blame myself for any of it (I don't need therapy). But I think it's had a huge unfluence on me and how I see things.

However all my plans were completely rearranged this year..I didn't end up going to college (due to the fact my rents didn't want to help me get a student loan) and the fact that I broke a rule to myself. The rule to not get involved at all with a guy. I met this guy, Merle just less then a month after I graduated and we seemed to hit things off. He's 21 and his last relationship (alil over a year ago) ended with what is now an 11 month old little girl. The fact that he has a kid doesn't bother me because at the age of 6 I was being taught how to be a second mother to my younger sisters(I have 4)(when I mean second mom.. I mean changing, feeding,burping and entertaining. I'm glad my mom did that because it was the best birth control) and it's very common in my family to have their first kid by at 17 in a half(I'm still a virgin). I took the fact that he had a kid and looked at how he acts now that he's a father and it made me like him even more because I can tell how much he loves that little girl. Merle has just changed my life completely. I've never been treated so well by any guy.. not my guy friends or anything. infact it tends to scare me because I'm not used to the affection at all. There's a problem though. When talking about us Merle will explain to me how much he does like me but that he's not ready for a relationship... here I actually saved some stuff he said to me.. it's better if you read his own words.

Merle:well im not a bad guy.I do like you alot.I would ask you out in a heart beat if I only knew what I wanted
Merle:after I lose someone I love.(my ex)it takes me along time to recover.and if I did go out with you anyway.and it didnt work out.when I would mess up all kinds of stuff.I would hurt you,i would prob end up losing you as a friend
Merle: its not worth the chance of losing you all together.

I understand why he's not ready to jump into another relationship. But I don't really know what to do with myself any advice for the confused?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 08-27-2005 - 10:23pm

You do not want to get caught up with a person who does not want you. "Not being sure" is just another way of saying he's not all that interested. Think about it in your own terms--if you wanted someone, nothing would stand in the way.


My advice is to back off this guy. Spend less time with him, go out with friends and enjoy your life. When you start loving your life, you'll find a great guy who will love you for that.


Hope this helps.

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